Seriously, J L Carver, you are doing the best thing you can do to help yourself, talking. You have come to a wonderful group that cares about you and will listen anytime.

I have read the brochure When Someone You Love Dies and really appreciated how they point out how good it is to be able to talk. You can read it on line at this link: When Someone You Love Dies

Under "Releasing Grief—How?" it said, "Talking can be a helpful release. Following the death of all ten of his children, as well as some other personal tragedies, the ancient patriarch Job said: “My soul certainly feels a loathing toward my life. I will give vent to [Hebrew, “loose”] my concern about myself. I will speak in the bitterness of my soul!” (Job 1:2, 18, 19; 10:1) Job could no longer restrain his concern. He needed to let it loose; he had to “speak.” Similarly, the English dramatist Shakespeare wrote in Macbeth: “Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o’er-fraught heart and bids it break.”