This weekend was the wedding of my sisters grandson.  There was a family wedding in April but I did not go to that one.  It was quite a ways away which I used as an excuse for not going but really it was I did not want to go alone.  Right up until Friday when I left home I was going back and forth between wanting to go and wanting to not go but I went.  I have to say Im glad I went.  It was incredibly hard to be one instead of two.  The king size bed would have been heaven with Tom there...  I slept on the couch the first night, realized how stupid that was and put myself to bed in the big bed the second night.  Had a good cry and survived it.  The wedding was lovely and I cried remembering my wedding day so long ago when I thought Tom would be with me forever.  Then I said a prayer that this glowing couple would get to grow old together and not face the pain of having to say goodbye to their best friend too soon.  The oldest sister of the groom is my great niece who was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer this summer.  She is only 33 years old with a six year old son.  There was not a dry eye in the house when she danced with her son.  My heart was breaking for her husband as much as for her as I realized for the first time that he is likely going to be in my place before many more months pass and he will be the one going to our next family celebration as a one instead of a two.  Too much sadness, too much pain, Im back to wondering what is the point.