This week I will officially be out of the teen years and turn 20 years old and I have to say a revelation came upon me and I can’t believe I have actually made it to 20. There has been many times where I’ve wanted to just give up and not continue because life has not been so easy for me to say the least. The of the main things that consume me the deaths of my parents to not have them here for me is just tremendously hard. I think about them every day and wonder if they would be proud of where I am or who I am today. I have to say most of the time my answer is no because I know if I've disappointed myself I would have them as well. Sometimes I say yes to have to strength to keep going. I have so many thoughts running through my head each day it’s hard to keep up. These past twenty years has been a roller-coaster, mostly going to hell most of the time.  I wish I could say it’s fun to think about my birthday and celebrate it but it’s not, it’s just more time has passed that my parents have gone; more time has gone from all these bothersome things that have happened in my life. It’s just another year of surviving this so called life people are supposed to enjoy. I just wish I knew what my path is supposed to be I wish I could fast forward in life to know what I have been through has a purpose instead of suffering in the pain all the time I leave now with a couple things off my chest.