Another year since my father has been gone will be creeping up again. For everyone else it will be just a normal day they are trying to get through, but not me, it’s another year without my dad around. It should get easier as every passing year goes by but it doesn't for me, it just reminds me of all the things I didn't get to do with my father. It reminds me that I've been cheated out of having a semi normal life. The demons I’m battling are so big it’s hard not to have them going through my head. My past of how I have dealt with this stuff, not always being my dad’s death but my mom’s also haunts me. Though they passed from different causes my mom being cancer and my dad from a sudden heart attack I can’t help but replay both in my mind but, more so my dad’s because I found him. I was 14 years old walking home from school going inside my house as always except this time was different. I found the first man I have ever loved lifeless on the floor. How is someone supposed to react to that situation? Someone at that age isn’t supposed to find that, my dad was supposed to live longer and see the milestones in my life, I am only 20 years old and I’m still supposed to have my dad with me, I was a daddy’s girl who immediately got her life ripped away from her yet again. How is someone supposed to cope with that? What does someone do to heal from all this pain inside? I can’t answer that because I haven’t coped and I haven’t healed. When my mom died I started down the wrong path but because I had my dad around he paid attention and tried to help me. After he died I went down the wrong path and I didn't turn my life around for a while. It spiraled out of control; there are things I refuse to talk about because I want to pretend like it never happened. I've been okay for a number of months now but I can’t help but not have those thoughts in my mind to go out on the day of his death and do things ill regret the next day.