I was in walmart and shopping,I was taken with a spell of depression in other words took me over uuncontrolable I fought it back.You think you can handle a loss but its not that easy.So here Iam in a empty house.Its ironic,because she never stayed home that much.So I spent part of the morning planting  a fruit tree she bought, trying to figure out where to plant the other ones.

My stepson doesn,t call but bless his heart he paid for some temple visits to honor his mother.I had a good visit with his boys which was nice I did some overtime(security) It was strange because I always called her and told her which I thought made her happy.What was bad was I didn,t pay respect to her remains( urn) the last time I was at his house(stepson) I still have her inside my head and feel her presence.I hope when I die there is a after life and I will get to see her. She trusted the system when she went into South Austin Hospital this last time and the system and Doctors let her down miserably.She went from a vibrant complaining person to  Vegtable in a matter of weeks. I was always hoping she would pull through but it got worse and worse.

So here Iam sitting in a vast linolium floor sitting on a blow up bed .Over head fan on. Oh yes bottle of vodka in the kitchen (don,t worry drink just enough sleep)