every day it hurts more to breathe, my back is so bad, but the pain in my heart is worse. I could not go see shawn yesterday and felt so bad, I cryed so much. cant sleep any more, im lucky to get a hour. I feel empty, tired and lost. my prayers are not answered  to be with my son. I keep telling my self he will come home, back to me. if I think any different  ill go crazy. why is my baby not coming to my dreams,? why does he not take me to? god I need shawn, without him I have nothing, to live for. im dead in side, so full of hate, so cold, so afraid.  please shawn hear my crys, take my hand, I love you always and forever, you are the love of my life, my beautiful son.  love  mom