I guess there isn't much to say anymore. I miss him so much. He was like my brother and it feels weird and wrong and different. It's weird to think a year ago we were laughing and were so close. Its weird to think that someone who was once so beautiful and full of life is now rotting six feet underground in a wooden box. I'm not sure of my religious beliefs but I think I hope he's either moved onto the next life or has his own personal heaven with everyone he loved. I hope he has his own incarnation of his girlfriend (who is also my closest friend) and she'll join him when it's her time (which better not be anytime soon!)

I guess I just feel lost. My friends don't really bring his death up. We talk about him sometimes, our groupchat is named after him. I still feel alone and don't want to bother them or make them sad, they grieve in their own ways.

I need someone to talk to, though. Someone who understands. 

I just hope he's happy up there in the clouds.