I guess there isn't much to say anymore. I miss him so much. He was like my brother and it feels weird and wrong and different. It's weird to think a year ago we were laughing and were so close. Its weird to think that someone who was once so beautiful and full of life is now rotting six feet underground in a wooden box. I'm not sure of my religious beliefs but I think I hope he's either moved onto the next life or has his own personal heaven with everyone he loved. I hope he has his…

All the "what if's" that play in my head, all focus on some small event that could have changed the tragic outcome of one month ago.  It's hard not to consider fate to be real. 

I have a health issue that has developed over the last two months.  Back problems causing increasing numbness and discomfort in both legs.  My wife was a nurse and always seemed to be fulfilled by helping me or my son.  This mornings "what if" is, I wonder, if my issues had been this significant one…

So yesterday I got my wifes toxicology report and it confirmed my suspicions.  Based on the level of oxymorphone/Opana in her blood she was probably beyond being saved.  Last night I thought about it and guilt for mistaking her for being drunk and nothing else has subsided (at least for now ).  However it has been replaced in my head with conversations I wish I had had that night with her.  The "what if" game as I call it, would a single word have changed the outcome?  I get stuck in looping…

On January 31, 2014 my partner of eight years had an argument because she had been cheating on me and I was DONE. During the night she was restless and kept waking me up wanting to know where my phone was or where the charger was. Then she said "You're gonna learn." She was alive when I left Saturday morning. She had written a note but my anger and hurt from her betrayal blinded me to the contents of the letter. I wrote her a letter back telling her to go be happy. I assumed she would be…