hard to write anything without launching into the real truth. One never sees how realtionships really were. Regardless the living breathing person who has been by your side for 35 yrs dies. Dead passed away. I would launch into blame, anger (guilt) ?? umm.Ignorance ,being blind sided by emotional and pyschological problems . Living one day to the next ,unable to bring oneself to end a realtionship on auto pilot. However thats the way it is ,the way of life. Me and her were spiriling out of control.Of course did either of us pay attention to her heart problems or her emergency hosp visits. What overwelmed everything was her vindictive revengful atitude(temper). Oh well

Iam starting to feel the real effects ofher passing and the wreck of our lifes for one reason or another I started out after her passing,excersizing pushing back the fact that the woman I had actually (did love in a strange way) died Now I feel tired and in a "void" not to say I wasn,t before . I don,t remeber her touch or voice. There is food in the refrigerator she bought that I don,t eat because it reminds me of her .

She was never at rest,always making house buying deals and backing out of them.

Dave