So much has happened since I first connected with Grief Support...

When I read my profile this morning, it was like reading about someone else.  

It's been a year since mom died. I'm still travelling but...I've recently come to understand that maybe I wasn't travelling as much as I was running because I just didn't know how to process the pain.

I felt so ashamed, guilty, lost, alone, afraid, angry...and then at other times I felt nothing. 

But...time...hasn't taken away the pain but things have changed. 

The kidney disease has progressed which is not good but I'm learning to live in today because as much as I can control some things, other things are out of our hands.

I've learnt it's never too late to grieve. There's no such thing as grieving too long because truth is...my life has changed forever.

As I've travelled I've listened to many, many stories of others who've journeyed through the valley of the shadow of death and one particular thread weaves its way through all our experiences...

We'll never forget the trauma. We'll never have all the answers to our questions.  Platitudes only make others feel better.  God is sovereign.  Death is part of the life cycle - we are all dying.  But...we learn to manage our grief. We attempt to start over and learn to live life without our loved one - not because we want to but just because we're still alive and the alternative of living like one of the "walking dead" is really unpleasant.

So eventually we choose to step back into life, tired of observing it from the fringes and longing to experience love and joy and hope and peace again.

I was never taught how to grieve...how to deal with the loss of those close to my heart. I didn't know what grief looked like but, if I may encourage you with this...trust your process...

You don't have to grieve like everyone else.  You don't have to lie to make everyone else feel better.  It's never too late to grieve.  There isn't really a wrong or right way to grieve...there's just your way of making sense of it all and figuring out how to keep living...

Honour your process.

Stay gold,

Debs