well again my sister slapped me in the face, she called to tell me her daughter bought her a grandfather clock on sat for x mas,  I just told her I was not feeling well and had to go.  I cryed my heart out, all I want is my son, his voice, why don't people think before they open there dam mouths, I told her so many times the holidays mean nothing any more but pain. she keeps saying its time to move on. omg ill never move on, I cant. she sees my heart breaking she sees my pain every day, yet she throws these things in my face,  stupid things like a clock, dear god I just want to hold my baby, to smell him to touch him would be the greatest gift of all.  thank you all my friends here you are more a family then my own, you have hearts and understanding and you care. love to all and hugs,   kim