how can a mom go on with out her only child? how can my heart still beat, when its so broken?  how can my sisters go on like nothings happened? how do they not see im dieing inside? so many answers ill never get. I only want one thing just one thing one wish, to be with shawn, to hold him in my arms, kiss him and never ever let him go. today in months I saw a bunny again, I know he sent it to me, I know in my heart hes never left me, but I need so bad to dream of him, I need to know hes happy and with my mom. I need to know he will never leave me and always love me. dear god please I need my son, its not worth going on with this pain, loneliness, emptiness. to never hear  MOM again just kills me more.  im so tired, I just keep falling deeper in the dark, and I don't have it in me to get out anymore.  I love you shawn more then life, and I miss you so very much, please sweet heart im waiting for you to take me home to you.  love you forever   mom