I'm fine with going through whatever I have to go through. I almost don't mind the pain and sadness because I'm thinking of my father and how much I miss him. But what I can't get through is how everything changes, in as little as a day, an hour, a minute.

One day, I'm looking at his photo and I love it.. brings me comfort..his smile makes me smile.

The next day, the exact same photo and I'm in so much pain looking at it that I can't bare to look at it.

One day, sad songs feel like they're singing directly to me... a lullaby that fills me and fits perfectly. I'm sad too.

The next day, it's so sad that it makes me angry and I can't listen to a second of it.

Love looking at clouds and thinking, daddy, are you there watching me?

The next day, looking at clouds and it takes my breath away that he is no longer here with me.

One day, walking to work and spend my time thinking of you...and I smile......

next day walking to work and the pain of thinking of you is so great that I'm holding my breath because I forgot how to breathe.

One night, wake up at 1 am and can't sleep all night. Panicked.

The next night, it's 10 am and I can't even wake myself up... let me stay here..

I don't mind the pain, the sad, the memories.. I just can't take the constant changing of it. I can't even have that be a constant.. every day I don't want to know what emotion am I going to go through today...

nothing ever stays the same....