I cant stop crying, to know  x mas will soon be here, and you wont., my depression is getting worse, I passed out the other night, for the first time. I just miss you so much and need  you so very bad. I hope  every night you hear me, im  so  proud of you and proud to be your mom forever.with out  you shawn there is no x mas and there never will be.  there will be no laughter, or smiles.  just emptiness here and in my heart. I pray to be with you, and hope its soon.  I cant live without you , its just been to long since we were together. I need to hold you hear you say mom I love you, I promise ill never let you go, im begging you shawn  to help me, to take me home with you please, I love you always and forever baby,