Nancy and I used to talk about how one would help the other

when we were ill.  When she had her stroke, I was her care-

giver. She always told me "God will reward you" and "When

you're sick, I'll take care of you". I always told her "It's my

honor and privilege as your husband to take care of you 

because I love you. " Well, since she passed away last April

29th, I've thought about that and asked her "How will you

take care of me now, now that you're gone". I wasn't feeling

angry at her, It was just sort of ironic (?) Both of us were

terrified at the thought of dying alone. I was so thankful to

God that I was there that morning to hold her as she passed

away..and now, horribly, terribly lonely for her touch, her

words, her hair and her voice. And the pain continues. Often

words than before. It's been nearly 5 whole months.  But, I 

am lucky in one way. I worked in Radio my whole life and

3 or 4 years ago I had need to produce a radio commercial

at home in my studio. It required a female voice.  Luckily,

Nancy was there. I used her, she did a great job. And now,

I have that radio spot to listen to. I hear her voice whenever

I want and I want to quite often. Then, I silently let the tears

shed as I listen. And after a few moments stop the radio

spot.  I can't stand anymore. I want the body that goes with

the voice, I want the person, living, breathing, standing

next to me. And that can't happen. That's what stops me 

from playing that radio spot those other times.  And then

I return to my normal state of feeling.  Pain, sadness, guilt

and hope for a day when her memory will be one of a

bittersweet joy. Where I can think of things we used to do 

and plans we made without bursting into tears but just 

smiling and quietly thanking her for all the years she gave

me. A very lucky soulmate who misses his lady every day.

I Love You, Nancy! See you soon!