I'm new to this site and am hoping to find some people who are grieving just like me.

Last year on December 17th I was taken to the hospital in horrific pain.. I realized that I had a condition that caused me to lose my baby boy when I was just 19 weeks pregnant.  I was in a bad state as well and was an hour away from losing my life. No-one knew what was going on with me as they had to do exploratory surgery.  He (Nathan) was our first baby...I tried to grieve over this last year but found myself lost in what to do and who to talk to.  I had really low moments but was okay overall. 

My husband and I got pregnant 6 months later with our daughter Lila. This was the only thing that made me hopeful again.   However, just 3 weeks ago.. around the same time as Nathan... I went back to the hospital.  I was having contractions at just 28 weeks pregnant.  Lila had to be taken c-section and because of a condition she was born with she passed when she was 4 days old.  Lila passed on December 16th (one day before Nathan the previous year).  I now feel as if I'm grieving the loss of both my children as I feel I never quite dealt with the loss of the first one.  Knowing my husband and I can not even think about getting pregnant again for a year and wondering whether I have the strength to get pregnant again I find myself lost in life.  I am determined to get through this and move on.  I've always been an optimistic person but feel as if that's completely changed now.  I've completely changed.  I'm only 25 years old but feel as if I've aged tremendously.  It's even hard living in my house with a completely finished nursery.  It was done for her, I sometimes want to take a sledgehammer and demolish the entire room.

I'm trying to work through this.. I'm looking into a counselor and am also writing a book...

I'm just wondering if there's anyone out there in the grieving world that has managed to get through the loss of a newborn baby.