lonelyness

what I would give to hold you and kiss you, this time of year I hurt  even more, I remember how you love x mas but with out you I just cant do it any more. so many tears I have cryed, and praying you will come get me, my beautiful son how can I go on with this unbearable pain, how does my family smile and be so happy knowing im dieing inside, please shawn help me get through this holiday, help me to dream of you, with out you  theres nothing left, I wish my heart would stop beating, I wish I could be with you. I love you with every part of me and I miss you more then words can say, I pray you will come home, I pray you will hold me and  please let me hear  MOM again, im waiting for you shawn help me please, forever mom

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Comment by morgan on December 15, 2014 at 4:49pm

In 9 days it will be two years ago that I took my husband to the ER where two days later he was diagnosed with stage four cancer…….Getting through last year was terrible.  I thought maybe this year would be better.  Not so.  I am immobilized.  I just finished ordering Xmas sausage that he loved and used to send to his 92 year old mother and cried so hard on the phone and then hung up and wailed.  So hard I fell asleep.  My body is taking a beating and I am glad.  Sooner the better this is all over.  I seriously have no idea how long a body can hold out under this kind of constant stress but if 30 lb weight loss, no appetite and fatigue are indications maybe I won't have to endure for a long time.  I can hope.

Comment by Jesse's Mom on December 14, 2014 at 7:26pm

I totally understand. Had a complete meltdown today...sending hugs

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My mom had pulmonary fibrosis. She was sick for a few years. It was funny how when my grandmother smoked, my mom would always say-I’m gonna die from second hand smoke. My mom never smoked. She died from lung disease. Ironic.I was fine at the funeral. Planning. Talking to everyone. I thought u handled it great. Now 4 months later, I’m a mess. Some days I’m perfectly fine, but others I can’t walk down the street without crying. I keep thinking that I haven’t talked to her in a while & I…See More
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