I have yet to come to terms with my wifes death She died May 26 2012 in the afternoon around 5pm. She died becasue I removed the life support she was on. Yea you know the patient was so messed up from Doctors trying new things on her (heart valves,pace maker They screwed up or maby they were trying to save her life and her condition went down hill(she was already on dialysis) made  it even worse.She lived her life in her own way.Its ironic she said see you on the other side,I was so neg about her moods ,she said something and that was it I left her hosp room in (like a child who feelings were hurt) I should have stayed with her .Oh her son was with her ,she had kind words with him.

So would I care if I died today ,I don,t know is life worth living .I just don,t know .I am getting a bone scan and a CT scan to see if I have cancer in my bones(prostate removal but high PSA) Iam screwed I lived with her 35 yrs. Who knows If it continued longer it can have improved if I tried and really fought for it. She kicked me out all the time and I drank never resolving out problems.So (we alway blame it on God ) was it gods will she died and I lived to continue on with a miserable life in a different way,which it has turned out to be so far.

I too should stay in bed and let grief over come me .I stayed in bed all day once after she died. I have never ,lets say developed a mature life style.Sefl esteem ,values ,all the above.So I married a women that dam near took care of all the responsibilies who had certain attibutes that only sunk me deeper and deeper in (dependence )?

So enough of the self examination

well Iam trying hard to grow up at the ripe old age of 65.I just don,t know I would hate to die and not even straighten up her affairs

I love her so and miss her

Dave