Just can't let go . After 16 years of my wife's death i still can't let go, is that crazy or what ? My wife, even though she may have been in pain, she would still persevere just to make a baby laugh or giggle . She never would allow herself to utter one negative word against someone else. Every time I allow myself to 'let go' and relax , maybe have a little fun , I find myself stopping and remembering the fun and all the good times we used to have together. I just can't allow myself to 'have fun' anymore without her , I  fear 'having fun' and the possibility of forgetting her. I know that as soon as I allow myself to 'let go' she will be forgotten and there's no way I'm going to take that chance . I feel like Robin Williams (RIP) , in his movie  "What dreams may come", I feel like everywhere I look maybe I'll see her come around the corner and let me know she was visiting a friend or someone and has been trying to get in touch with me. This is just like the worst nightmare I have ever had, a nightmare I can't seem to wake up from. Suicide does come to mind yet I promised her two things, 1) I would always believe in God, as she does and, 2) I would never attempt suicide , especially after she convinced me that I would never see her again if I did. So for some reason , I keep on helping others, as she used to do , while awaiting my time to be with her. 'Sorry for my long story but sometimes dwelling on her I do contemplate suicide, it would be so easy but I know I would never see her and this is the only thing that prevents my going through with it.