A coworker said and it very true that instead of trying to please my wife ,who sadily passed way that Iam replacing her with her son ,as far as pleasing him or seeking his approval. Enough said

I emailed my stepson and said Iam taking grief(101) learning to be independent.Which again is very true. So I have been making financial decisons and there is a kind of independence slowly working its way in . (AT least I think there is ) in my case I welcome it but in gaining it it was a horrible twist of fate as I spend 35 yrs with the same woman.Its mixed feelings as when she was here on earth I wasn,t making any headway in staightening out my life with her.

If it wasn,t for work I would most likley be into some kind of support group or activities early. I find holidays are the worst.Its not like I don,t have a lot to do,which I do but everything is closed even the darn golds gym. Umm what ever.

I have a lot of remorse unresolved grief.Its like when I pulled her life support. My stepson left with his wife and made it clear don,t come over and I drive off down the road like nothing happend(shock)

I cann,t imagine the hosp prolonging the agony of my wife and her heart problems.You know while I was visting her people were dying everyday .(in the hosp) Once your hit the critical care unit your a goner.Bed pans ,chest tubes,your a non enity "I sentence you to a slow death" Did I say I hate this hospital (St davids South austin Hosp on Ben white) Yes I can imagine hospitals do more life saving than they do letting people die

I find the only way to survive is get up in the morning and move ,do your chores take care of tasks,think about support go go go ! read the bible I got from a friend .At least a couple of pages

Maby it will work out right now I really don,t care However God won,t let it happend that way Iam sure Ill suffer

Dave