I went to a psychologist (weekly vist ) I don,t know what are you suppoosed to say. Iam sad ,I miss my wife,I want to commit suicide (I don,t ).I asked this guy about some groups and he said"I suppose I would look into it. Iam tired of myself.I keep wanting to get a massage(a real one).I cann,t bring myself to do it.Ref :Getting tired of myself. My alter ego says"get your ass in there(massage place) ugh I hate myself. I have my own little nighmares during the day about my wife dying.. I go to sleep and wake up at 3am in the morning.

I truly want to die (just the way I feel right now)Iam sick and tired of trying ,putting on a false front.However here Iam at work the dreaded midnight shift(I do two a week,relief shift).In a drugged stupor from having to take meltonin just to get some sleep before I come to work.Melitonin has a decided effect on me. I took half of one and was out like a light.

So Iam sick of it(my life ) and how I never got it together.

 More later (maby)