Iam not going to say Iam over this because that would be a lie.Before she would be out there and I would be relishing the time she was gone  down deep she was lost and had to put up with me.Its her fault terrifying me every time she would decide to "teach me a lesson"Her personality most likley did her in.her  trust in St edwards south austin hospital did her in(the witch doctors practicing there vodoo medicine on her .did her in .All of us thinking she would pull thru.

Death is so cheap.There were times today I wish I were dead.I wonder if there is "here after" When she was alive she was very good about dragging things out concerning my personnal life,threating my job my future.Then again there was an underlying love,concerned about my health.I just wasn,t strong enough to go up against her.That sounds bad doesn,t it

Well anyway Iam tired my whole sleep pattern is messed up due to going at at midnight and the rest of the days going in 4pm

The one thing that sticks in my mind is Iam  excused from the life I led with her, maby so

Did I ever have any kids with her no.She openly admitted she had a ovary operation(cyst or something like that) Would I be able to have any kids with anybody else,no (prostate cancer operation woope!!) Do I sound bitter of course,35 yrs of what!!

Her passing is not fair,maby it could have turned out another way.Maby I could have freaked out and finally left.I could write volumns over what she did.On the other hand one could examine what kind of a human being I was my emotionally faults . Why wasn,t I strong enough to overcome the hold she had on me (love )

whatever

Enough of this