Iam in really bad shape for one reason or another.She went in the hosp and gradually ove night developed these terrible complications.She was doing alright ,well I know, Iam sure the next heart problem would be the last.Would that have  been better than suffering like that .She didn,t deserve to suffer like she did .I should have known once they said repalce heart valve replacement I should have said my last good byes.There again ,our lack of intamacy even stayed in the hospital room. Iam sure she was playing with my mind and I acted accordingly like I said alright I am leaving.I left she said see you in the next life. I was in the hallway and the surgical staff wheeled her towards the operating roon .I asked the nurse is that my wife .She said yes I wlked over quicky and said my good byes while she was being wheeled in . So much for that

Iam really feeling the effects of her being gone.Iam not used to being on my own. However I seem to survive Dave the person who takes the weight of the world on his shoulders .She left me with with to much to do even in death. To many problems not to say ones that were there when she was alive.So instead of being productive as I always say Iam wallowing in despire. Well let me get on with it.I really really feel some support is necessay somewhere.

Dave