I don,t get as much "killer flashbacks" Iam pretty good at denial ,(at least I think Iam,) havent been out drinking and driving (busted in 1989 Tx) laws weren,t as strict then,never the less paid court costs and did probation.I take it back Iam on another computer and get a flashback of us in a restraunt,she would always get up and get some soup (it was free) oh!! it was a small restraunt serving smoothies and different asian dishes.

I want to keep a notebook of memories but I think Iam driving myself up the wall.Going to fast, need to slow down and let it all sink in.

It still weighs heavy on me,her passing on who would ever think.I just counted her time in the hospital as a period of rest for me ,because I knew when she got out she would be back to her controling,loving moody self making some finacial deal,signing off on new house contacts only to cancel them 

I apologize again for getting of the beaten tract.

I still feel she will come back.At the same time I cann,t seem to get motivated(I do go to the gym)I have to remind myself ,its only been over a month sice she passed away.

as Iam typing this Yes! I want to express my grief .Someone I was close to for 35 yrs passed  out of  my life  and Iam upset by it. I move along on autopilot. Its terrible regardless of what I have been telling you . its amazing the emotions that take there toil on us 

Dave