everyday it seems to hurt more to breathe, I miss shawn so very much, I still wait for him to come home, when the phone rings I pray its him. I know my baby will never leave me, but we have never been apart this long. my heart hurts so bad. I ask why he took my only child, why not me. I wait for signs, I know I have had some but I want so much more.  I hear people and family saying MOM, and I cry so hard wishing I could hear it to. I just want to be with him, hold him, hear him say I love you mom. touch him again. I feel so dead, alone, empty, I need my son, the love of my life, my son