Lost and regret are two words I really hate. I lost my best friend. I regret the times I won't have her here with me. I miss her every damn day. I feel like i'm not whole any more. That the things that matter don't because she's not here.

I regret all the stupid fighting we did over nonsense. I loved her from very core. We were sisters, and best friends. 

I know that our love and friendship while now separated in death, will never die, but God it hurts so much. I at times wish it was me who had gotten the cancer. i'd have died in her place if I could. I hurt so much and I hide well. I put on a happy face at work, and at like i'm ok, but i'm not. My life will never be the same.

I miss her every night i'm in her room, that we shared i keep thinking why. How come now, we were supposed to be 80 year old ladies, chasing after Bon Jovi. I sit and I cry and i tell myself she's not gone, she's physically but I know that when it's my time, she'll come down to meet me, and take me to heaven's gates. In heaven time flies, but here on earth it passes with agony when you are hurting so greatly.

I don't know what I"m supposed to do. I'm trying to remember everything without crying and being angry that she's not here. I went to see Keith Urban, a week after she died, and it bothered me so much, it hurt. I felt like Rosie would have loved seeing Jake owen, loved him doing her favorite song. She would loved that Taylor swift show as well. 

Bon Jovi I mailed our story, we'll see what happens, but I have no faith that anything good will come of it.