I'm coming up on the two year anniversary of my husbands death, why does it only feel like last week.  He was my life for 43 years, my high school boy friend, that crazy good looking boy that so many girls liked, but he liked me.  From the minute he asked me to dance at a high school dance, I knew he was the one for me.  I don't think he knew that, haha.  It was another two months before we saw each other again and from that point on, we were together.  Dave was funny, he was caring, he had a ton of friends and acquaintances.  People just liked him, he was that kind of guy. 

I've found that most of his friends were just that, his friends.  There are some I haven't even heard from since the last time they saw him or since I called to let them know that he was gone.  I don't know whether to be really angry about it, or just plain sad.

So many of my friends were there in the beginning, but it seems that so many of them seem to think that by 2 years, I should be moving on, I shouldn't be sad or depressed.  How do you explain to someone else that the lose of a  person who has been your life for 43 years isn't something that you just get over.  Dave was such a huge part of my life, it just isn't possible to get on with my life. 

I want people to still talk about him, to share memories of him, but nobody talks about him any more, I want people to tell me their memories of him, I want them to say 'oh that would have made Dave laugh' or 'Dave would have done this this way'...nobody seems to understand that.  And when I talk about him people just seem uncomfortable even when I've told them that it makes me feel better.  Am I being selfish for wanting to feel better, for wanting to tell people stories about him? 

When does this pain stop?  When does the loneliness diminish?