I completely freaked out about an hour ago, I was at the airport waiting to catch my flight.  

The health problem i thought was resolving came back in full force.  I forgot to take the prescription anti-inflammatory yesterday and today, then to top it all I forgot to pack them for my trip.  I had committed go back to work and they way I felt at the airport made me bail out on going back to work.  I have never used so much sick leave in my life, fortunately I have a lot of sick leave banked. Even at the airport things reminded me of my wife and what I have lost forever.  The combination of health issue flaring up, grief, loneliness, unease of calling in sick after committing to go back to work all combined for a massive anxiety attack.  I have never felt so overwhelmed in my life.  Just as my world feels as if has been turned upside down, I feel as if I have been turned inside out.

Have to get moments like this under control.  I am back home now, it's evening and I am calming down.