I didn't write anything yesterday, so this is two days worth.  

Yesterday an antique dealer come over to pick over my wife things.  It was a miserable experience, strangers in my home offering pennies on the dollar of things my wife valued.  I had to walk away several times to regain my composure.  But it has to be done, my wife had too, too many things and I can not live with the clutter and all the reminders.

My sister was there with me and after they left we talked, that was good.  She didn't stay too long though she has a life.

Next my son and I went and looked at a condo in a nearby town.  It was out of my price range, but still enjoyed fantasizing about being able to move on to a new life at some point, I am nowhere near that now.  After that we got an ice cream cone and went home, we watched some baseball and then I talked to a nephew for over an hour.  Talking still helps and I am glad I have him.

Now it's morning again, reality also seems to hit hardest now.  

Today I go back to work,  I have been off for two months since my wife passed.  I am both looking forward to it and dreading it.  I leave for a four day trip to Tokyo, it should certainly distract me at times, but not looking forward to the times I will be completely alone.  Skype will get a workout then. 

Mornings still stink, haven't cried or screamed this morning, and although anxiety is there I have tried to keep it in check.  

I wish the best to everyone here.

Mark