It feels like I am playing some kind of war game with my grief, measure vs counter-measure.  What seemed to help and get me out of the loops in my head yesterday are ineffective today.   So today has not been good.

I dreamt of my wife last night, seemed very real, we were sitting and I told her, "I'm sorry" and she said, "It's Ok", and reached to me and I woke.  I think I was apologizing for not be able to save her.

Perhaps I should write more, hence that's why I am here now.  

I got a friend request, thanks Poppy, made me feel better.

I had a major meltdown this afternoon after getting home. 

I saw the therapist today, I think I have exhausted her strategies. 

I need new a new plan for tomorrow, I fear the morning.  

I really need a good day.