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Comment by Rhonda Baertsch on September 11, 2011 at 4:48pm

Bella,

Your story is so hard to read. My Mark was 38 and the first solid, honest, good man that has ever been in my son's life. You're right, there is no reason for these things to happen. At least none that I can see. If this is "all part of a larger plan"  as people keep wanting to tell us, I don't want to be a part of that plan. What kind of plan could involve bringing these amazing men into our lives, giving us such as small taste of what happiness should be, then ripping  it away from us? I understand your anger, and I know exactly where it comes from. I considered myself a fairly good Christian before this, and since the accident (7-1/2 weeks ago now) I am still completely unable to pray. I try and it seems like I have nothing to say. I don't get it, I'm angry, and I'm very unsure of my faith right now. I hope this anger doesn't last. I really do want my faith back, but right now I just can't see past the anger.

There is nothing we can say to each other and nothing anyone can tell us to ease this pain because nothing can bring them back for us. I think the best thing for us at this point is to give ourselves permission to feel whatever we are feeling, be angry, be bitter, yell, scream, cry, and be incredibly selfish about our needs and emotions. And at the same time keep searching for that peace that we hear will someday come.

My heart is with you and your son.

Rhonda