Rhonda Baertsch
  • Female
  • Canonsburg, PA
  • United States
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About Me:
39-year-old teacher and single parent.
About my Loss:
The love of my life, Mark, was killed in a motorcycle accident on July 14. He was 38. I'm angry, I'm sad, and I have no idea what happens next.

Rhonda Baertsch's Blog

A tiny, tiny ray of hope?

Today I met a group of Mark's friends and we put up a cross at the site where his accident happened. I thought it would do something...make it real, bring me some peace...anything. But I just felt numb. Then something very strange happened. I left there and drove to pick up my son at a friend's house where he had spent the night. I had never met this boy's mother before. As I walked up to the house, I noticed a stone in the landscaping that said something about treasured memories of those we…

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Posted on September 11, 2011 at 4:35pm — 1 Comment

I lost my gradfather this week and I'm supposed to feel grief over that. I loved my pap dearly and yet all I feel is anger over the fact that he had 88 years of life and my Mark had only 38. I just c…

I lost my gradfather this week and I'm supposed to feel grief over that. I loved my pap dearly and yet all I feel is anger over the fact that he had 88 years of life and my Mark had only 38. I just can't mourn 88. Or maybe I just have no greiving left inside me. I sat at the service and cried for Mark.

Posted on September 7, 2011 at 10:41am — 1 Comment

9/7

I joined this group and then stopped visiting for a while. I think I hit a denial stage where I just wanted to avoid anything that made it real. I lost my boyfriend on July 14 in a motorcycle accident. The weeks since have been a journey I wouldn't wish on anyone. I mourn for him, but selfishly I feel I mourn for what we should have had but never got the chance. I should have had years with him and I didn't get it. I'm almost 40 and, finally, had found the love of my life and he was taken…

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Posted on September 7, 2011 at 10:21am — 1 Comment

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At 10:34pm on September 11, 2011, Amanda Ab said…
Thank you for your comment. That was an awesome story. And glad to know and hear of someone who went through similar pain and found a light at the end of this "dark" tunnel. It is just so far away and so "impossible" for us to see anything good coming our way, because we are just so lost with grieve and much, much pain. I really have no hopes or dreams to come. Half of my heart was also killed that april 28 along with all of my ilusions, hopes, dreams and much hapiness.
At 5:01pm on September 7, 2011, Amanda Ab said…

Hello, Rhonda.

 

I am sorry for your loss. I agree with you in all. This grieving process is sure a long and awful journey. I sometimes feel so lost and dont know, how, what, why, or who. My grief has been a rollercoster. There is mostly downs than ups. I myself, personally, have so much anger/frustration for all of the years that were taken away from us to spend with my husband. We were both young, first time parents, and looking forward to so many things to do in the future. So many memories to come and cherish. I am also still in denial and cant accept my loss. I still have that tought that he will soon come through that door and we will make up for time missed. I cant accept that we will no longer be together.

 

Hope to hear back from you soon. And know that I completely understand how you feel because I am on the same page.

At 10:51am on September 7, 2011, Machaela Whelan said…

Hi Rhonda,

I am with you 100% on the comment you made. Every day I have some sort of anger/sadness/disbelief that I won't get to see Evan's smiling face again. Evan was married for 3 years before we got together and I find myself being angry at his previous relationships for getting to spend more time than I did with him. We have known each other since 7th grade and didn't connect until we were 27. It's all very unfair right now.

I'll be thinking about you.

At 7:33pm on July 26, 2011, Susan said…
Hi Rhonda,

Welcome to this group. I do think it helps me to come on periodically, and connect with other grieving people.

I lost my only brother back in March. He had a long illness, but it was really hard, because of many factors.

Your loss must be so difficult. I really feel for/with you. I hope you can find some way to get through the coming days/weeks/etc. You need support, and this group may be a good resource for you.

All the very best, and God's grace, to you.

Susan
 
 
 

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