I do not know how to cope with this loss. I do not know how to function like a regular person, when I feel I have been altered permanently. I am filled with rage. Patience is not a virtue I was born with, and now I am pushed to the limit. Having a two year old son while going through this grieving process seems like an impossible juxtaposition.

I remember my brother's laugh, his expressions, his face and am jolted to my core with the realization that his being gone is…