I dream of you almost every night. Nothing in particular, you are just "there".  I wake up in the morning and remember you are gone, and its like losing you all over again every single day.  Its been 78 days now.  I still have no idea why you died.  The coroner still hasnt heart from the lab.  Its killing me slowly, every day.  I just want to be where you are, so my broken heart will be whole again. xx

Every morning I wake up I cry because I wish I wouldnt wake up.  I hope every night that I will die in my sleep.  Its so selfish I know, because of my son.  I can't help it though.  Its not fair on him to feel this way but I am plummeting further and further down into a black abyss and I can't find the strength to stop.  Tony would have pulled me back.  He knew just the right things to say to help me. God I miss him so much, why did he have to go, why....???