So sorry for your loss, my post is on here somewhere, but reading all these sad posts makes me sadder and wonder if I should but we are the only ones who know how it feels 

Hello Robin.  I lost my husband of 34 years to cancer 3 weeks ago.  I am already exhausted by the brutality of this grief.  Sometimes my knees buckle from the physical body blows.  My stomach aches and my head hurts and my heart is shattered.  I thank God that at least other people understand.  I realize there are two worlds now.  One inhabited by those who haven't and those inhabited by those who have lost the love of their life.  I keep going because I have to but I pray to go home every single day.  I know that even when this becomes more bearable and eventually it will my best days are behind me.  So it's going through the motions until it's my turn.  I pray for all us daily and send my love to you and others who truly know what suffering is.