I really do not understand why we as humans are in this group and forced to go through this experience. Everyone here seems like such nice decent kind people, and it is so hard to see cruel people out there who get to live their whole lives with their partner, even hating their partner or being abusive or just being selfish until their late eighties or nineties. This was the time I was waiting for to grow old with my husband now that our kids were becoming more independant. I was counting down the days until my youngest graduated high school, then we celebrated father's day and were so so so happy, and then 2 days later, my world ended.  Why? I would have been so much better a vessel for G-d's greater purpose, brought so much more good to the world if I was not devastated and just surviving.