Though I have had a few tearful moments, it is nothing like when Mom first died. Have you read "TEARS ARE PROOF OF LIFE"? If so, I think I am at "Then the wound begins to heal". If you have not read it and want to, you can find it by Googling it.

It is good to hear from you and know that you are okay.

Bluebell

This grief is a roller coaster ride that I want off of. The thought of my Mom's birthday coming up is so painful that it is like touching a burning hot skillet. I am not sure how I am going to get through the next couple of weeks.

Bluebell 

Bluebell, my moms birthday is also coming up it will be the second one without her, last year when the day came I just kept busy, went to the cemmetary and before I knew it the day passed.

Everynight I wake up in the middle of the night and she is the only thing on my mind, I tell her I miss you mom I hope you know that and try to go back to sleep.

Yes grief is a roller coaster ride, I just wonder is this my life now....

How come other people just go on after a loss, but she is always on my mind.

Time shall tell I guess.

My Mom's is the 19th of June and it is the first one without her. When is your Mom's Theresa?

Bluebell

June 14th will be 4 months for me since Mom died. The shock has worn off, but the pain is still very much alive. It is more intense than the grief I felt when my Dad died. I do not understand that, because I loved my Dad too.

Bluebell

Bluebell I feel the same way my dad had cancer from asbestos, they told us he would only live for 6-12 months after his diagnosis, I did not want him to suffer.  He passed on December 14, 17 years ago.

I accepted it because I knew he was ill.

My mom on the other hand was not ill, a sudden unexpected death, left my life in a completely different state.

I just was like my mom was fine how and why, but I try to lean on my faith everyday......I just don't know

It has been a very emotional few days with my Mom's birthday coming up. It is the first one since her death. I have been n emotional mess. It helped that our family got together at her house and honored her by having a birthday party like we always did. We  gave her little presents and had a cake with 99 years written on it. It was not sad because it represented her as she was in life, not death. 

How are you Theresa? Your Mom's birthday is coming up soon too.

Bluebell

http://saza-journeyoflife.blogspot.com/2010/01/tears-are-proof-of-l...

Theresa

The above link will take you to TEARS ARE PROOF OF LIFE. It helped me. Maybe it will help you too.

Bluebell

Bluebell, how are you?

No you do not need a push, in time you will carry on.

Life will go on and you will adjust to the new one, but at your own pace.

I think about my mom every single day and night and its been 1 1/2 yrs., she was my everything and I miss her every minute.

It's been a month since I buried mama. The world seems surreal to me now that she's gone. I love her so much. I refuse to use the past tense because to me love never dies.

I know grief is a process, but one I'd rather not have to go through which is ridiculous since we all die eventually. I lost my dad 15 years ago and I grieved hard for him as well, but it didn' even come close to the sorrow I feel over losing mama. She and I were very close, up until three years ago, wherever I went, you could be sure that mama was right there with me. I lost my sidekick.

Mom's are special and the void mama left is like the Grand Canyon. I'm just living one day at a time and it's been tough.

I visited my mom and dad's graves today. My dad's been gone almost 15 years, but my mom's death is still fresh as she's only been gone five weeks. Visiting their graves is somewhat comforting, but I shed a lot of tears when I go to visit. 

I sometimes have panic attacks especially in the mornings because it dawns on me that mama is no longer in the house with me. The house feels so empty and void of life now. Maybe I will sell my house eventually, but just trying to get through each day.

Tina I am so sorry for your loss, I don't think there is anything more difficult than the loss of a mother

Joy I feel the same way, in the morning I awake anxious, it has taken a toll on my body.

Bad day. I feel so lost without my Mom. I feel like nothing without her. She has been one of my anchors my whole life. Now I just feel adrift.

Bluebell

I feel the same way Bluebell. Life seems so meaningless without that important woman in my life. Sometimes I feel as if I'm going to go crazy with grief over my mom. I just wonder how in the world am I supposed to go on and she's not here anymore.

I know. It is tough to come to terms with. And I do not know what healthy grieving is. I have never experienced anything like this before. It is so deep and seems so complicated.

Bluebell

Lost is a good term to use.  I'm facing life events without the pleasure of picking up the phone and asking my Mom for advice. 

I feel so lost also, maybe its because I can't come to terms with my moms death, sudden and unexpectedly?  I know that I felt totally different when my dad passed 18 years ago, he was sick and I did not want him to suffer.

I just keep praying please God give me strength to live the rest of my life with all these questions in my mind or show me the answer.

I doubt what the dr said was the cause of her going into cardiac arrest,high blood pressure?

I somewhat regret not having an autopsy, I regret stopping at her house before I get to the hospital, if I didn't I would have been there to see her alive before she went in SCA. That extra five minutes would have made a difference. 

Then the other half of me says, it was God's will, and I need to be at peace with it.  I think if I can do that I will be able to move on  hopefully.

Not sure.

I really have felt very alone the past week. I have tried reaching out to friends and family, but it has not helped much.

Bluebell

My friends don't even ask how I am doing......

We do feel like we are all alone on this path, but we are not God is right beside us always, I truly believe that.

I surely hope time will heal, months, years, my mom still cried talking about her mom after 45 years.

This is our new life I guess.

Hello, my name is Chelsea. I've new to this site but I don't know who else to talk to. I am 17 years old and I just recently lost my Mother five months ago. She was only 63 years old. I found her in bed unable to speak or move. She was having another stroke, so an ambulance rushed her to the hospital. She had two strokes prior, one in 2010 and another one in 2014 that left her with dementia. I really thought she was going to be okay and be able to come back home with us, but little did I know that was the last time I would see her at home. She had an additional stroke three days later while in the hospital. She was unable to speak, move half of her body or swallow, so they had to put a feeding tube thorough her nose. After about a week, her condition wasn't getting any better, so we had to make the decision to take the feeding tube out because it was bothering her too much and to let her go peacefully. About a week later, she passed away on Thursday, January 12^th at 6:40 am, which is her and my dad's anniversary. I had a bad panic attack and cried harder than I ever have before in my life after I was woken up and told my mother had died. The pain and heartbreak of losing her is almost unbearable. She was my best friend in the whole world. I have been religious my whole life so I know she is pain free and resting in heaven with the Lord now and I will get to be with her again for eternity but I still miss her terribly. I feel so lost and lonely without her here in this life. I feel so angry at the world and at life for taking her away from me so early. I have so much anxiety and depression now and every day is a major struggle that I can barely get through. Everything just feels so unreal. I feel like I'm living in a nightmare. I just miss her so much it hurts so bad.

Hi Chelsea, I just read your note and my heart breaks for you and your family over the loss of your dear mom. And you're so young too. I'm 48 and the pain of losing my mom is so very hard. Having recently lost my mom, I know the pain you're feeling and I wish there was something I could do to ease your, mine and everyone else's pain whose grieving. 

I'm so glad to hear about your faith because that's the only thing that can help carry us through these difficult times. I will keep you in my prayers. I come to this site often so if you ever feel the need to chat while I'm logged on, I'm available.

The pain is overwhelming and as a fellow motherless daughter, I can only say that I understand.

Take care of your self and know that I and others on this site are thinking about you.

Chelsea

I am sorry for your loss, you are not alone

I too have severe anxiety, my body feels so unwell, my dr says its anxiety.

I struggle everyday...

It has been 5 months since my Mom's death. It has been a particularly dark weekend emotionally for me with a lot of sadness and feelings of being lost. I want to try to pull myself out of this bad place, but that seems to require so much energy. 

I just feel like I am going through the motions of living today. What I really want is my Mom back. It hurts me so much that she is gone. I really am trying to help myself to feel better, but nothing is working. I am also am  trying to give myself permission to continue to grieve. But the reality of it is I want to be out of this pain. I feel like my heart is broken and it always will be.  

Bluebell, I feel your pain.

Please know that you are not alone, my first year was horrible, I made bad choices, was mean to people among other things.

Now I have a issue with the people that were my friends or I thought they were and they did not even call me when she passed, I feel like their time will come, I was invited to a baby shower a cousins  daughter, she knew my mom didn't even call me when she died, but she sure could remember my address to send me an invitation to her daughters shower, I declined happily :)

I feel like I am not the same person, maybe one day I will be but right now I don't feel like it.

Jennifer

I am so sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you.

Bluebell

Another bad night. I feel so alone. I do not know how much longer I can stand this. I really need some relief from this overwhelming sense of loss. I am asking for help through your prayers. 

Bluebell

Jennifer I am so sorry for your loss, everyone here is going through the same

Can you tell us a little bit about her and your relationship with her..

Bluebell, the pain will always be with us, and just remember God is always beside you....

God doesn't give us any more than we can bear. This statement is helping me get through the bad times.But I just get so impatient to be at the point where the pain of her loss is more manageable. I am tired of crying first thing in the morning and of the panic I feel in the wee hours of the morning. 

Thank you all for your support. 

Bluebell

I have been feeling very angry the last couple days over the death of my mom. She's been gone two months. I've felt every emotion: sadness, guilt, despair, some relief since she's free from her health issues and I'm free from caregiving. I keep wondering why did I have to lose my mother. I still needed her even though she couldn't do anything. I did everything for her in the end.  I just need her to be. I need her presence. I miss her face and her voice. I know we all lose our mothers at some point, but it still doesn't seem fair at all.

I'm just venting but this is a safe place to vent especially since everyone in this forum is grieving over someone special in their lives.

Just wanted to see how everyone is doing, I have bad days and tolerable days.

Its still very difficult, I miss her so much.

Same here. As you said some days are tolerable while others are still bad. I try to keep myself distracted, but memories of my mom invade my thoughts throughout the day.

And same here. I have bad days and tolerable days. I am having a real hard time without my Mom right now. Life just does not make sense anymore. But I keep going on through the motions of  living, hoping this deep sense of loss will ease up. 

Its been one year and seven months it has not changed, but it does get "softer", you'll know what I mean.

Every night I tell her I love her and I would love to hear her voice one more time.