Today is just one of those days where I long for my mothers advise... Its been a year since I lost her and it seems like it just keeps getting harder and harder. Since she passed I havnt felt her presence really. and that terrifies me. All I want is for her to come to me in my dreams. So I can see her face and hear her voice again. I feel like Ive been trying to push away the fact that shes gone. but then every night I think about it and it hits me like a speeding train. Its the worst feeling. I know shes out of pain though and in a better place. Its just so terribly hard..

Jeff, this must be a very hard time for your family. I'm very sorry for your loss, and I hope your sister is able to attend to her grief while caring for her baby. It's nice that she was able to honor her mother by using her name.

Ciara, I'm sorry for your loss, too. I feel that I can relate to what you're saying. It hasn't been two months since my mom died, and I feel that the sadness is getting deeper. The reality of her death, and the sense of permanence, hits me in the mornings rather than at night.

Hello All,

I am so sorry for you all. And I know how you feel. I have been going through crisis and I want so bad to talk to Mom and ask her what I should do. I feel so stupid being a 50 yr old woman wanting her Mother. But I know there is nothing I can do to bring her back. My husband does not understand since he was never close to his family. I have several things of my Mother's. Right now I am wearing a chain she gave me with a charm holder and 2 charms I gave her. One is "I (heart) you Mom.

I spent last weekend with my cousins and my sisters; my aunt died 7 months prior to my Mother's death. We all used to go away together, so now we went to honor them. I know they were there with us in spirit

I hope we all can get though this at some point. From past experience, I know you never get over it, that is a falisie. You just learn to live with it.

I saw a photo of a dog who was found after the Oklahoma tornado, loyally sitting by his dead master; he would not leave.  Every time I wake up another day without my mom and walk out the door I feel less loyal than that dog.  I shouldn't be going on without her, I shouldn't be breathing without her.  

Cynthia-I'm so sorry about your mom. I lost my mom Dec 27,2012, you know its ok to cry. I still have days where I cry. This is a wonderful site, good people on here who are grieving. Mothers day and her birthday were hard..................

I feel so lost and sad without my Mom,she passed on Mother's Day,just 2 weeks ago.She was the strongest person I have ever known and,I dont know how to go on without her.

My Condolences to everyone.

My condolences to you both, Cynthia and Hannah.  I understand how difficult this must be.  It is true that others who have not been thru this, don't really "get" it.  And, it doesn't matter what the circumstances were (age, illness, etc.)...it's a devastating loss nonetheless.

My condolences as well to Cynthia and Hannah.  I lost my Mom on November 29th, 2012.  It seems like ages, and yet, some days, it is like yesterday.  Mother's Day was rough, and I also did the Susan B. Komen walk the following Saturday.  I did that alone, or should I say, Mom and I did it together.  I could feel her with me, and I heard her through a woman who hugged me because I was alone.  She said all the things Mom would have said to me. I was kinda numb throughout the walk yet it was a wonderful experience; bittersweet.

  My heart goes out to everyone where ever they are in this journey.

Vynthia,

I found this site the day my mother passed June 26, 2011. It was a horrible day. Somehow this site just came to me....people where here for me when my sisters were telling me how awful a person they always though I was. I guess they hated me enough to say the most horrible things in the world to me the day our Mother took her last breath. Oddly enough those words did not destroy me but gave me tremendous courage and strength that changed my life forever. Thank you to the people who taught me so much here on this site. Your friendships will continue in my heart. To all of you in your raw moment - we learn the most from pain and suffering than we do from the easy and great times we experience. Only when we are experiencing complete suffering...is the opportunity for each of us to find out why we were born in the first place. It is when we are completly broken down that we can awaken ourselves to many things we otherwise could never acknowledge and understand. Start by reading about life after death. Eckhart Tokelin and George Anderson. God bless.

Thanks Anne, I've been told time and talk help, but it feels like yesterday and I lost my mom Dec 27,2012.

I am so sorry Cynthia ans Hannah. My Mother died Nov. 8th. It does not matter if you are 8 or 58, if you lose a parent you may as well be 3. Mother's Day was horrible for me. I was a mess, even before that day when commercials came on for Mother's Day things and seeing Mother's Day stuff in the stores. I am having less days when I cry;for the first 4 months I cried every day at some point. It may only have been for a few minutes or hours, but I would just burst into tears. I think of her everyday. Although, I keep thinking that my Mother taught me to be a strong woman and do whatever needed to be done to get through a challenge, so I think she would say this is no different. I remember when my Grandmother died (my Mother's Mother) just 10 months after my Father died and 7 months after she was in a major motor vehicle accident and how she dealt with it. I think she leaned a lot on us kids but also her friends and coworkers. She had one friend she was quite close to that had already gone through the same thing, and I am sure she had talks with her. I guess that is sort of what this is; all of us going through this confiding in each other.

miss my mom more every single minute of every single day,cant stand the pain..

Today is a bad day. Yesterday I felt capable and was able to focus. Today I feel like I am on the verge of tears at any moment. I think it's because I am getting closer to my due date and as I approach the birth of my first child, the absence of my mother is even more painful. Today is a bad day.

Maddy, I've had a few good days surrounded by bad days. I read in a grief book that it's normal. We can only take so much pain and grief. Eventually, our hearts and minds will make us have a relatively good day to give us a break from the anguish. I try to enjoy my good days, but I often find that the days after are really bad. I hope the day brightens for you a bit.

My condolences to everyone.  I lost my mom in Sept 2012 and it is still very hard.  lots of sadness. 

God Bless eveyone.

Hi Elissa, I am so sorry for your loss.  Mine was similar.  My mom passed away March 2012.  I was having lunch with her and my sister on Monday and on Thursday she was diagnosed with brain cancer and did not know our names and was given 2-3 weeks to live.  She passed away 21 days later. It saddens me because by the time they diagnosed her, she was not in her right mind and I could not talk to her about what was going on and really know if she knew what was happening.  I did the best I could to make sure her last days were filled with love and that I talked to her as if she understood everything I said.  I won't lie, losing your mom IS one of the worst things in the world, but the pain does ease.  I don't know if the pain ever FULLY goes away, but it does hurt less with time.  I KNOW I am going to see my mom again and she is ever present, but she wasn't for the first year.  Suddenly these last 2 and half months she has been so near and not just to me, but to my sister and my best friend. Just come here and talk, it was my lifesaver right after my mom passed.

Today was my Mom's birthday...she would have been 87 years old.  Made a visit to the cemetary this morning to place some flowers on her grave.  Happy Birthday Mom, wherever your spirit may be. 

Hi Kisha,

Thank you for your kind words - I can sympathize with what you went through. I know what you mean about your unborn baby being the only thing that keeps you going. My husband and family have been great, however I think my unborn son is the only reason I still got up in the morning and forced myself to eat.

Thank you again for your kindness. It's comforting to know there are other women who have been in this situation. I hope you get through these next few months as best as you can.

I just watched the concert for the Homeland(help for the OK tornado victims),Vince Gill sang the MOST beautiful song,it is called "Threaten Me With Heaven"...it touched my heart,and by the way Vince Gill was my Mom's favorite singer.

Cynthia, I truly believe our moms can hear us and talk to us.  My mom and I had agreed on a sign long before she passed away, after another near death experience she went through and I received the sign the day after she passed away.  I hear her in my head and truly believe it is her.  Just the other day my best friend was at moms house sweeping the deck off and her dog was laying in the yard with his ball.  She turned to sweep some more and the dog's ball was on the deck behind her.  I think it was my mom playing tricks on her-she loved to kid around! My mom used to call me at 7:30AM on my birthday and the first birthday after she passed the phone rang right at 7:30 AM and noone was there.

Dear Jeff,

Happy Birthday to your Mom.

GOD Bless,

MIke

My Mom, my anchor in this world, my home, died unexpectedly on May 8th 2013. We had just celebrated her 60th birthday on April 22nd. She and I shared a special bond and we talked multiple times a day every day and I would see her nearly as often as I was her caretaker and she lived right down the road. My life was devoted to helping her achieve a better life and I feel that I failed her in the worst possible way. Words cannot express my sorrow and regret. I miss her so much and I can't believe I have to wake up every day and realize again that she is gone.

"All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel Mother." ~ Abraham Lincoln

I am terribly sorry for your loss Kristin; 60 is very young, IMHO. And, It's really tough when you are in a care-taking role of some sort.  When it abruptly ends you feel like you have failed somehow, in some unknown way.  And then you suddenly don't know what to do with the newly found time in your schedule, which you had previously dedicated to Mom.  I feel your pain.

Thank you, Jeff R. I feel especially responsible because I was the last person to see her the night before and what if I did something wrong or I missed a warning sign somehow but I also place blame with the hospital for releasing her the night before she passed. She was quite obviously not ready to come home! We still don't know what exactly happened. The only mercy is that it appeared that she had just gone to sleep and she had told me once before that was how she wanted to go someday. It should have been decades from now, though . She was robbed of so much happiness that she deserved and my heart is forever broken.

I am so sorry to hear of you loss Kristin.  Please don't blame yourself, as I know that no mom would want their child to feel they held any blame in their passing.  There are always going to be those "woulda, coulda, shoulda" moments, but the best thing you did is love her and care for her. It won't seem like it now because her passing is still so new, but it will become easier to deal with the loss as time passes. I could never imagine me being in this place last March 2012 when my mom passed.

Thank you, Mary. And a part of me knows you're right and that my Mom wouldn't want me to blame myself but I had been so sure that I was going to help her get better. Thirteen years ago, in my junior year of high school, she was in a car accident that left her disabled and I dropped out of school and dedicated my life to her. I'm so lost now that I can't take care of her anymore.

So very sorry for your loss, Muuna. You and your mother should've had so much more time together.

I know how you feel, Muuna. Anything that was new or good in my life, I'd always want to share with my Mom. Now that she's not here I feel like I'll never be whole or happy again. The world is a cold, dark, and uncertain place without her here.

I wish I could offer you more comfort but I know the only person who could truly console you is your Mom because I feel the same way as I know most everyone here likely does. You are not alone here.

Empathy was one of the precious gifts my mother bestowed upon me. She was the most kind and generous person I'll ever know. I just want to honor her by being the best person I can be.

I've been writing her letters so I can keep talking to her. Maybe that might help you as well. I'm still finding my way too but I'll be here if ever you need. *hugs*

Hi Muuna,

There are no words that I can say that will fill the void your mother has left. Only, I hope you know that everyone here understands what you are going through in some way or another, and that this is a safe place to express yourself.
My own mother passed away March 15th of this year, 5 months into my first pregnancy. It has been the hardest time of my life ever. Thankfully, I have found a lot of comfort on here and met some wonderful people who can sympathize and empathize with how I feel.

So allow me to do so a little for you. ... You mentioned feeling surrounded by men, well I know what you mean! I am married to a wonderful man but he's still not able to replace my mother. I have a wonderful father and two caring younger brothers, but they are all men. On top of that, I am pregnant with a boy. I have really been struggling with feeling "surrounded" by men! With that in mind, I have made a conscious effort to spend more time with my girlfriends and female cousins lately. Nothing fancy, just spending time chatting. I found it has really helped. Try it maybe.

I hope you find peace in the small things.

Maddy

Dear Kristin and Muuna,

My heart goes out to you, my deepest condolences to you both and to everyone.

God Bless Everyone

Hi Muuna,

I am glad I was able to help in some small way at least. My female friends and cousins have been a great support to me....however, yes I will admit it took time to want to socialize again. They didn't push me, they called and invited me over and waited until I was ready to be social. Don't push yourself, but when you are ready you should try to have some girly nights...maybe start slow with some quiet nights in you know?

This is indeed a safe place where you can express yourself freely. I have been able to express emotions here that I am unable to express anywhere else. Take advantage of the kindness of the people on here. We've all experienced something tragic and sad and we can help each other through it.

Maddy

Thank you, Michael Sandoval, same to you and all here.

Cynthia, you're right. You can't force yourself to be okay. We're not okay yet. And it takes as long as it takes. (My Mom used to say that)

Elissa, I am so sorry for your loss. Just lost my Mom suddenly also on May 8th - she had just turned 60 on April 22nd. Forevermore, April 22nd until Mother's Day will be a difficult time. I can't stop thinking how unfair it is, all the happiness and time she was robbed of that she so deserved. 

"All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel mother." ~ Abraham Lincoln

Does anyone else experience a lot of anger during their grieving process? My step-sister's Mom got married last year, and stopped spending as much time with her. Well they are getting a divorce and she is so excited because she can't stand him. My step-dad has been so mad, because of how her Mom has been treating her and not giving her enough attention, which is what he did to me, he took time away from me. I never got to spend time with my Mom much..I think it's unfair that she gets to spend time with her Mom now, and I NEVER will!:'( I've never been the jealous person, but stuff like that makes me mad, especially when some people treat their Mother like crap!

I think I know what you mean, Jennifer. I find myself resenting people who still have their moms and take them for granted or people who complain about petty stuff like not being able to get a mani/pedi when I would give anything to have those problems instead of trying to pick up the pieces of my broken heart because my mom was ripped away from me.

Yes Jennifer I feel angry and jealous since my mom died on Dec 27,2012.

I think its a common feeling to be angry and jealous of those who still have a mother who is living.