I miss you so much mom, I dont want to go one without you

i feel sick reading everything. i just want to be with her again

Dear Angela,

Dear I am so sorry for you and feel your pain. This weekend is my first holiday without mom. Currently I feel "nothing" but occasionally I cry and my heart hurts. She was the last of my family. I too miss her so much and want her back....Do not give up! Each persons pain is unique and some days or weeks all we do is feel pain and fear. Keep writing and keep talking you my dear are not alone!!

Thank you. It is really hard. I seem to be doing alittle better today. Im so glad i found this site

This site has been a life line for me along with my love. Do you feel restless unable to sleep no matter what you do?

ya i cant sleep. It hard to focus

How have you been coping? What do you do? The things I used to enjoy like tv do not bring me the joy i used to have. I am not enjoying my time alone! But most of the time I feel nothing but emptiness, am I crazy or uncaring? I am very anxious!

I lost my mom 12 years ago and there is not a day that I don't miss her or wish she was here. Some days I wonder what my life would have been like if she didn't die. Would I be the same person that I am today? But because of what happened I know that one day I will be able to help others whom have gone through losses like mine, and that alone I know would make her so very proud of me. I wish that she was here with me now. There is so much that I want to talk to her about. :'(

Michelle my heart truly goes out to you. I was lucky to have my mom for 46 years and we had 3.5 years of living together and I took care of her needs. There were times when I wanted my own place and felt overwhelmed but Never like this. We talked alot everyday and she was the first person I called when My dad died, they were divorced. She helped me go through college and I will graduate and she will not be here. I too wish she were here and I miss talking to her....You will miss your mom always and me I am in the shocked stage. Today it is 3 weeks!

Anybody did you feel numb or stunned or in shock? Is it normal to feel this way and for how long? Today it is 3 weeks since mom died. I just realized a couple of hours ago that it was Monday and I was dreading Monday, now I realize why.

Julie
I have been numb for 5 months, now the deep pain has set in. Now i fight every day just to keep my self alive. The pain is overwelming, and i dont know if it gets better. I know what you mean about annv. Every month around the 15th i feel even more alone. Im really sorry to hear about your mom, Just remember we are all here for you.

I really dont enjoy anything anymore. Its a fight to get out of bed, a fight to sleep, a fight to put any kind of effort into any relationship. I feel like im losing it all.

Angela,
Thank you for such kind words. At least I do not feel disloyal cause I feel numb/shock right now. Mom was a wonderful person who suffered so much. She would want me to be happy and I want to be. So I am going to live my life as much and fully as possible.

If there is anything i can do or say to help im here, i feel your pain as im going through it to. Please just keep coming to this site. I have only been on here for a few days but it is already helping me.

I have only been here about a week and I tell you I do not get this kind of support except from my love, Bryan. He lives with his mom so I am alone and I do not enjoy it. I miss my mom so.............I am here for you too. Anybody wanting to talk I am here.

i feel so empty without mom here.

I wish i had more support. My relationship with my boyfriend has been falling apart sense i mom passed. I have changed so much.

I feel the same way, but my boyfriend also my is my ex-husband and we love each other very much and i hope we remarry he has been wonderful but he can not come around much mostly weekends. The rest of the time I am alone!

my momma has been gone 3 months today and i still miss her just as much today as i did then....if not more

I can definately identify with feeling like you have changed so much...there are days when I am emotionally all over the board and don't really feel like myself. Some days I will be doing fine and other days Im an sobbing because I haven't been able to really pick up the pieces ever since my mom passed. My life seems to have fallen apart and its hard to move forward. I am doing so slowly but its a struggle many days.

Katie,

I see you live in California, what part I used to go to San Diego and my mom who passed love San Francisco. Yes it is so hard. Its very hard when you lose your mom as she is your cheerleader, sounding board and I could talk to mom about anything and nobody seems to care anymore how I feel or my achievements! My dad is gone also and I had just gotten used to him leaving and now this....so much responsibility now. Car is in bad shape and no money i am finishing up college.

I live in San Leandro, which is close to San Francisco...Thanks for the support and I know what you mean. My mom is the one who really encouraged me to go to college and supported me in every way possible. My dad is really supportive as well, its just different because I could talk to my mom about everything. The good thing is that Im growing closer to my father and our family has been growing closer to each other.

It has been six weeks since my mom died and the pain is starting to come through for a bit then goes back and is buried deep. I do not feel like doing anything, I used to love to watch tv, read, be on my computer and I have to force myself to do the things I need to. I just don't care.

Today it is 8 weeks since my mom died. I still am in shock and find it so hard to believe that she is gone, that she brought me into this world and now she has left me all alone. She was the last of my family. I miss her so!

Eight weeks is not that long at all to adjust to the shock of losing your mother, especially since it probably brings up past loses that make it even more difficult to face yet another loss. My heart goes out to you and I hope that the pain starts getting easier for you to manage!

Its been awhile sense i have written anything on here. Its been 6 months 6 days at this point sense my mom passed. I dont feel like i can go on without her. Im not happy nothing can make me happy. All i want to feel is the pain she felt before she died. I want to die with all the pain she felt. All i want to do is die to be with her. I miss her so much. I just want 1 more hour with her. I blame myself. I was not there when she needed me the most. She kept telling me not to come home that she was not planning to die soon, I got the a few days to late. Its all my falt. I should have been there.

I just joined this group, not sure how it all works. I just felt like I needed to find people that have gone through what I have. Its really hard to talk with friends because I'm finding they don't really understand or they get uncomfortable when I express my feelings. My mom died 6 months ago in a sudden car accident along with 3 other family members. The accident happend overseas but I was able to get there while she was still in the hospital. She hung on for 14 days touch and go the whole time. Everything happened so fast and I feel like it didn't really happend. Nothing really makes sense when do things start becoming clearer?

My mother passed away from leukemia, it was sudden and unexpected. I miss her dearly, and for me the hardest part was how everyone acted as if she never existed. To talk about her seemed "morbid" to others. But she will always be my mother! I started a blog called The Modern Mourner to help create new ways to mourn. www.modernmourner.com. If you have any creative ideas about how to remember, please contact me!

My mother passed away from complications related to pneumonia 2 1/2 weeks ago. She suffered from lupus and had a history of heart problems and a kidney transplant, but she had been not been seriously sick for years. She went into the hospital feisty as ever and told me to go back to grad school, that she would be home soon. My aunt, who is a nurse, called me the next day and said to go back to the hospital. As soon as I got there I noticed my mom was having difficulty breathing; she was sedated and put on a ventilator within 30 minutes of my arriving. We did not get a chance to talk. She never woke up and died five days later. My parents were married almost 33 years and I am an only child (my mother was too sick to have more). The pain of reality often seems too intense to bear and I find myself crying all the time.

It will almost be three years now that I've been living without my mother. The anniversary of her death is on the 10th of December....
I don't come on here much because I don't like talking about it. I joined because I knew I needed the help though.
And every day I see on my email that someone has added a comment to this page. So tonight I finally decided to come back.
My mom was never healthy. She was always sick with something. She was overweight and depressed. Her marriage was going downhill and I was a child that witnessed her parents fight 99 percent of the time. But my dad never divorced her because he knew it would hurt me and my sisters.
My mom was gone before she died. She was always drugged up on something. She'd become addicted. All her pains were cured with a pill. And when those pills were mixed together, they proved to be a very deadly concotion. She died of an overdose.
I miss her so much. I'm tired of having to see the realtionship my step sister has with her mom, because I'm so jealous.
I just want my mom again. I need her to give me a hug right now.

I feel so guilty. Did I do enough to take care of my mom while she was dying? My mom had 4 daughters. Two chose to act like nothing wwas wrong. My mom was diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer on March 15 2009. On July 22 2009 she passed away in her sleep. When diagnosed I flew to Hawaii where she lived and stayed for a month. Then I had to go home to my husband and daughter. While home I tried to get my unemployed sisters to go back to Hawaii to help our older sister with our mother's care. They both came up with every excuse in the book. Even after I offered to pay for one of them to go. Once my mom got worse six weeks later I flew back to Hawaii. She had severe reactions to her chemo and would not eat. We tried everything. Daily blood transfusions, potassium infusions, platelets. I have a disability that makes me exhausted. So each all day trip to the hospital exhausted me. Finally on that laast day I had to take a nap. I checked on her later and said she had mild heartburn. I told her to take a tums then I went back to sleep. Turns out an hour later she passed awaay. I found her the next morning. Could I have done more? Should I have stayed with her in the room? Should I have realized her heartburn was actually her heart failing? Could I have done more. It feels so unfinished. I wish I could have sat and talked with her more. She was always so exhausted I wanted her to just rest. I wish I could just talk to her one more time.

It feels like I have no one to talk to in my family. I was the caretaker for my family since I don't work. Anytime I was needed I would fly or drive to be at their side. So when my mother got sick I was there in a heartbeat. I stayed for a month then due to my own medical problems I needed to go home for 6 weeks. Luckily I made it back to my mom 2 weeks before she passed away. Every single day we had to either be at the hospital or Chemo center. First thing every morning I was helping her get ready to be there by 7am and wouldn't leave until 3 or 4 pm. I was planning on bringing her back to Las Vegas so I could provide better care, but she always said she wanted to die on her own bed in Hawaii. The day she died the doctor told us that the tumor in her brain was gone, and that due to chemo reactions we were going to postpone any more chemo. She was supposed to get better! So that day we were so hopeful and enjoying just relaxing. That night she passed away in her sleep around 11pm. Just 1 hour after I tucked her in and said good night. I am glad she had that last day of enjoyment thinking we were finally beating this thing. Its the small things that count.

On August 6, 2009 my mother was brutally and senselessly murdered in her own home by two men during an apparant robbery/burglary attempt. We just sat through the preliminary hearing which was the most painful day of my life. No one should have to hear of how the woman who gave them life and loved us unconditionally left this world with 55 stab wounds, 13 blunt trauma wounds, and was strangled on top of all of that. My heart aches not only for the loss but for the act in which she was taken away, 2 weeks shy of her 59th birthday. And just weeks shy of the birth of her first GREAT Grandchild. She was so excited and oh so proud, as she was of all of her six children... and eleven grandchildren. My mother was my very Best friend who I could talk to about anything. She had a heart of gold and would give the shirt off her back to anyone in need. She will live on through all of us though, as she would have wanted it to be. For she was so proud of her children and left behind a piece of her spirit within each and every one of us which we will continue to shine brightly in her honor. Visit www.inmemoryofcindyramos.com for further information and to honor this loving woman. This is the website I have created in my mothers honor and memory. Merry Christmas to you all and may we all somehow find the strength to make it through these holidays with this pain which we all now unfortunately know to be so real. It is the support of others and forums like this that truly can help in getting each other through our tragedies. Peace be with you all.

I lost my mother along with my sister jan 14th 2004 , they were murdered by my mother's ex boyfriend. I had just moved out around thanksgiving a thousand miles away to be with my fiance'. The guilt i feel because i couldn't protect them feels unbearable at times. My mother's family made me feel as if it was somehow my fault. My Mother hadn't told them that i had moved out for fear that they would criticize her for letting me leave home at nineteen. I feel like losing her i lost the only person left that had my back in my family. The rest of her family except my uncle all turned their backs on me when i decided to stay with my fiance' instead of coming back to be with them. This sometimes hurts the most. I am her only child left. She had five miscarriges , one child die of birth complications and the last to murder. Sometimes i wonder why did i live? I wish i could have taken some of the pain she lived through just to feel worthy of still being here.

My Mom is not dead yet. My real mom. She is lying in the hospital and right now they don't think she will make it. Her sugar level is over 500 and they can't get it down, she is dyhdrated, won't eat, sometimes knows us, other times doesn't. I didn't know where to turn but to you guys. I don't know what to think, how to feel. I am so scared. She will be 87 this year but has always seemed so young and strong. Since I lost my daughter she has been my strenght. Thank you for writing this. I know some of you have just gone though this and have lost your mom's. I am so sorry for your loss. God Bless

i lost my mum nearly a year ago to cancer,i was her carer for her last few months,always with her,i new she was bad but i never thought she would actually die,even when i saw a document from her doctor saying she has less then 3 months i still didnt believe and acted like everything was going to be okay,but ever since she has gone i am a different person,she was the most amazing,strongest,loving person i have ever met and am so mad and frustrated and confussed as to why this happened to her. im only 19 i should be out with friends,but instead i am like the mum now in my family i take care of my dad and younger brothers,while doing that i forget to take care of myself,and i end up breaking down,i feel so stressed all the time like i cant keep up,i just miss her so much,i dont like to bring it up to my brothers and dad cause i dont want to make them sad and its so hard to talk toother people cause they get uncomfortable and dont know what to say ......... i just miss my mum so much.

I lost my mom 3 years ago to liver cancer. I was 17, senior in high school, and still living at home. I have 5 older siblings that were moved on with their lives: husbands, kids, fiancees, college. They didnt understand. A dad whom I havent had a relationship with since I was 7 and has no interest in being in my life. So, here I am, 3 years later, at the age of 20, in a new city, and still...im soooo lost. I dont even know where to begin. I literally have no one to talk to about this anymore. I feel like I have been through the worst of it. Yet, I feel as if I have never miss her so much in my life than right now. Wishing I could talk to her, tell her about New York, my new friends, my career that I am working on. I would love to just hear her voice again, tell her i love her, because i never got the chance. I cant explain it more than...i just miss her.

I lost my Mom about a year and a half ago to cancer. I was her caretaker and spent the last few months of her life with her-day and night. It was hard and heartbreaking, but I'm glad I did it. When she left this world, there was NO DOUBT in my mind that she loved me.
Now, after, I lost my job and had to move back to New Orleans to work. I am barely making enough money to get by. Most days I feel a little lost because I don't have Mom to talk to. She always knew what to say even when I didn't like what she said.
I currently find myself ANGRY. Just FURIOUS. About everything. It's affecting my work, my friendships, everything. Most days end with me wanting to pack everything up and leave. I want to go hide at my Dad's house in the mountians and not deal with the world. I think mostly because I'm tired of being mad. And generally I'm just mentally exhausted. I want to talk to Mom so badly I just ache. I feel like none of my friends understand (maybe because they haven't been through it themselves?) and I keep getting the words "you need therapy!" from a lot of them. These of course are the same 'friends' who didn't even call, email, write-nothing when I was going through watching my mother die. I need to talk to someone about it, that's for sure. My friends are tired of hearing about it, my family tries not to talk about it, I can't afford therapy and I DON'T want to take anti-depressants because I did right after she died and I couldn't stand the way they made me feel. I could hardly stay awake, much less function. I'm just seeking the ear of people who know what I'm going through and where I am in the greiving process. Did I post this in the right place?

oh.....so complicated....so sad...but reality. My sister was dying of AIDS/Cancer 38 yrs old. My mom was broken...blaming it all on herself (never was her fault) My Mom was so sad...no energy. I tried my best to support both my sister and mom. My mom died in Jan 09....my sister watched. Then my sister died 2 months later March 09...with out my Mom to hold her...I did, but everyone needs their Mom. My step father blamed my sis ter for my Mom's death....then he had a heart attack (May 09) He survived. (at the same time he had a new girlfriend 4 months after my mom died...i met her for the first time in ICU-my parents had been married for 25 years...it shocked me) My father survived. then 2 months later one of my closest friends friends killed his two small children, his wife then himself ( August 09) No one saw this coming...I had just talked to him the week before....also, i during this time...I took a promotion....then almost got restructured out of a job...I put my 14 year old dog to sleep and my 18 year old cat is terminal with cancer...I lost triplets during childbirth in 2004 ...yes, all this is true. So .... I am surviving...yup, friends did not know what to say....most were not there when I watched my sister die .... it was a HORRIFIC death. even hospice said it was bad (the morphine needle had fallen out and the morphine was dripping on the floor...we did not see that for 24 hours- i was on the other side of the bed) I do have a partner that has stood by me through this all...I am going to marry her this year. I am proud that I am making it through this....I am marching like a brave soldier...like i promised my mother I would. .

I did not mention in my last post something VERY important...my mom was/is my best friend...as close as you can be. In some ways it is best she did not watch my sister die. I am happy for that...but EVERY moment of EVERY day...I hurt for her...I miss her.

I lost my mom to cancer 3 years ago.Everyday I miss her SO much. I just moved to NYC and I never imagined how lonely it can get. I guess all those thoughts I have repressed for three years are coming to the surface. It all just sucks. I have no family I can talk to about this, and my friend, well I dont want to bother them with the same old talk. I am at that point in my life where I REALLY need her. I am 20 years old, and there is a lot I have to figure out in life on my own, with no guidance. It's suffocating sometimes, without her here I feel lost. She always gave the best advice, despite whether I wanted to admit to it. I am starting to forget what she looks like and what she sounds like. I wish I had pictures of us together, but my older sister took all of them and she wont let any one touch them. She's always been a selfish b****.
I want to talk to her so bad, I miss her and took everything for granted while she was still alive. Where do I go from this? How does it get better? I dont want to live in this pain for the rest of my life!

i'm crying as i type this...thats how much i miss her.... =( i look for her everyday

so it's been six months...does it ever get easier? will i ever be the person i was? so together and now so broken....bipolar now...up and down... alone in the world now...noone i know understands...

I lost my Mom on Feb. 12 and the last 3 days have been extreemly hard for me. I have never felt such pain in my entire life. Not only does my heart break, but my soul actually hurts and it is sometimes more than I think I can stand. my mom and I were very close, I was her only child and I need her more than I ever have and she's gone. I miss her so very much.

I lost mom to Colon Cancer on January 12, 2010. My mom was my best friend. We talked about any and everything. I don't think I have ever been so good at my job..haha..I have been trying to stay busy because I find it takes my mind off everything.... I miss her soooo much!!! I can't imagine not ever hearing her voice again. I was sitting at work the other day and just started crying thinking about her and the last time we talked. Do things ever feel normal or is this surreal feeling going to last? I dunno..I just feel lost in a way...

I lost my mom six weeks ago tomorrow to lung cancer. When we found out she had the cancer she was already in stage four and the doctors gave her up to six months to live, she made it three. She was my best friend in the whole world and I miss her terribly. I don't know what to do or how to heal it it just hurts all the time. People tell me it will get better with time but how much time. Any support or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated

I lost my mom a month ago. She was my best friend she passed away unexpectedly to a cardiac arrest.my grandmother my moms mother found her at 6am. I was blessed to have been born on Mother's Day which unfortunately for me this year my birthday falls on Mother's Day. This is going to be the hardest birthday yet. I don't know what to do i am so depressed all the time. It takes all i have just to get out of bed. It takes all my strength to go to school I have went to class once since that awful day and i wished i was at home. i was just glad that i had spring break this week. I tried to find a group here but i can't find one. The only one i did find has group on a night when i have school so this is my next option

It has been almost 2 months since my mother passed away and i still cry like a big baby. Its going to take a while. Hang in there. Through God all things are possible.

my mom died almost 10 months ago.....i can say that it has gotten a LITTLE better...i am no longer in therapy but now i realize that i am still holding things in...so these thoughts always come out at the worst times....my birthday was a week ago (1st bday since mom passsed) and i had a really hard time with it....she ALWAYS called and sang to me on the morning of my bday....so when i didnt get that call last sunday, it was like she left me all over again...the scab was ripped off all over again...i do not have anyone to talk to since i am no longer in therapy....i am sure that my fiance is tired of seeing me sad all the time....i hate feeling so alone

If you are like me, you are dreading Sunday! I miss my mom everyday, but Mother's Day is an even rawer reminder of loosing her. I am so sorry for all of you that are having to go through this. Know that you are in my prayers. I plan to just go to the cemetary and lay there with her and cry it out until I can't cry anymore. God blessed me with such an awesome mom. I miss her more than words can ever describe.