Amanda, sorry to hear about your mother. I am also best friends with my mom, so I can imagine the pain you are feeling. I hope this website will help you. sometimes it helps to talk to people who you don't really "know" or someone else who is also greiving. I am obsessed with the murder of my brother, but can only talk about it sometimes because it hurts my other family members so much to talk about it. I am sure my friends are sick of me talking about it. His murder was in June 2008. We are still waiting for justice. That makes the greif process neverending, because you HAVE to talk about it with prosecuters, etc.... I want to know every detail even though it hurts so much. My mom can't hear any details. It was a horrible murder and he fought hard for his life and suffered many stab wounds, then bled to death waiting for help. It is a horrible image for us to live with.
I noticed that you said you have written many poems. I would love to read some. That also seemed to help me. I wrote two poems for my brother and one I say everyday. It is like my prayer to him. For some reason it makes me feel like It makes him realize how much we miss him.
I hope you can find a way to help you deal with the greif. I will keep you in my prayers. Message me anytime you need to "talk." Donna