Bless you Gale.

It worked for both of you.

I too, am glad to hear that.

Before my son died, I would've never believed that there truly was such a thing as a broken heart.  I know now that it really does exist.  The pain that I feel in my heart is so intense.  I miss him so much. When he died, part of me died with him.

Gale that is great that you reached out to her. We all have to try and help each other as much as we are able.  Sharon I agree, part of me died also and the broken heart almost takes us over sometimes it hurts so bad, we all feel the same in this horrible club we belong too. x0

Hey Dolly, I think that's really rude of him to say your grief is "self pity" after what we have all been through, yea I feel sorry for myself, I feel sorry for all of us with the pain and loss we are experiencing, nobody knows but us.  hugs...

thanks for the support... I just get blindsided by comments like that one... I thought I was just expressing thoughts... sad thoughts that some days were all I had... just sad thoughts.. not every day or all day ..and they seem to come on by themselves.. its not like I sit in a corner pouting and thinking as many sad things as I can and saying poor me how pitiful am I... nobody else lost him .. only those of us who love him lost him... to everybody else it was just business as usual for the most part.. and not so long after he died either... you can't make people care or understand, but at least they could keep their mean thoughts to themselves you would think...

Dolly, I think this is the way it will be for us... We will always be blindsided by people's comments.  Mindless comments..."He's in a better place, Time will heal all, At least you have another child, Be strong, your child would want you to be happy, are you always going to be sad?" the list goes on and on.  We make people uncomfortable and they do not know what to say.  I just bite my lip and usually cry all the way home...  = (

I know Rj, if I could talk to Troy for 5 minutes once a year,  I'd be okay. Just to be able to know that he is okay and happy.  I agree it is so hard to see everyone happy with their kids and know that we will no longer be able to share our sons lives with them. We have no future with them, only the past.  That is why we hang onto every little memory, every picture, every scrap of them... it's all we have left. We will miss our boys every minute, every hour and day for the rest of our lives.

I was in the store when I spotted the cutest little baby. I approached the baby and the woman with the baby started telling me how "blessed" she was. She told me she had 4 kids, 7 grandkids and 3 great babies. Over and over she told me how "blessed" she was. I quickly left the store, ran to my car and cried.  I thought does that mean I'm "not blessed"? I know that is not what she said but that is what I heard.

Dear Friends, Its been a while since I spoke with y'all last. I've just been in my own little world.  I'm afraid my world HAS getting smaller.  I'm trying so hard not to fall into such a deep depression that I won't be able to get myself out.  Shortly after I lost my "beautiful daughter", my mother suffered a stroke, sadly enough she was already struggling with Alzheimer's.   It sadens me to say that she died April 13th, two weeks today.  Making the arrangments and attending the funeral was like reliving my baby's funeral. I feel so lost and ALONE.  I feel my mourning has intensified.  I don't know what to do!!!! I miss my baby!!! And like a child I want my mother. 

I feel my family is truly no more.  And I have NO ONE to lean on.        My Dad has left town because he can't deal seeing me and being in the thier house has to many memories.  What am I suppose to do?  How am I suppose to get though all this?  It's just not right and its not fair?????  I'm losing my mind.  Please pray for me. I need prayer!!!

Rachel I am so very sorry you lost your mother. This must be agonizing grief. I lost my mother in-law to Alzheimers. We were very close and that alone is heartbreak enough. Your Dad must be suffering a lot also. Sometimes we are left to wonder why we are left. We both lost our only children in car accidents. The sudden trauma is shocking  and I still after 28 months feel like it was yesterday and I can hardly stand to get through each day without him. I truly hope you have some good friends and a support group. I know there are people who love you and need you. You are not alone even though it may feel that way right now. Hang in there and know that we are sending you all the love and prayers we can. Hugs Connie

Rachel, 

How agonizing this time must be. Losing our children is enough to make each and every day a living hell. and now losing your mother . I will pray for you and for us all, its a place where the loss is so personal and so intense and one which no one understands and let that be because no one should have to bear so much pain. 

I truly hope that there is someone near you whom you can reach out to and who can be there for a while. Just the physical presence of someone you feel close to will help, even if every inch of you is screaming to be alone. Like you, I too lost my only son in Dec 2011 and he was 27 too and I  was divorced since '98. So that most wonderful boy was my shining star and most loved and we were very close. Though time goes by the sharp pangs may lessen but the heart knows its loss only too well.

I am so so  sorry that you have to go through another grieving right now. We are all with you , holding you in our prayers. Hugs, Vasanthi.

I have not posted here for awhile, but still continue to read.

Rachel, I have sent prayers on your behalf...I too lost my beloved son in an accident. He was ran over in his own lane. We are still in the trial as the girl was charged that killed him. I am 29 months out now.

Connie, thanks for sharing your feelings. "I can hardly stand to get through each day without him", very much where I am at too.

Vasanthi, good to see your post. I remember reading some of your writing earlier on, it was very comforting.

Sending gentle thoughts to all.

Rachel...

I've gone almost the same thing as you. I lost my beloved son February 8th, and lost my father April 2nd.  You are right, planning the funeral brought me right back to the awful day in April. I told my brother that I wasn't strong enough to do a lot for dad's funeral, so we kept it small and did not have it at the same place as we did for my son.  I found it hard to grieve for my father, since I was still grieving so horribly for my son.  Life is so unfair sometimes.

Yes, I am also worried that my mind cannot take so much heartache and trauma at once. Just know that feeling crazy is "normal" for us... whatever normal means anymore.

I'm so sorry that you are going through such horrible times.

Sharon

Rj, you are not going crazy. What you are feeling is so normal. I feel the same way. One day I feel a little better, and the next is the awful pain and sadness again. Grief is like the ocean. It comes in waves.  I have made plans to not be home for Mother's day.  You and I are about the same in our journey.  Still a long way for us to go...

Davi, I'm so sorry about the loss of your husband and your son.  Sounds like you have been through a lot.  Please know that we are all here for you.

Davi ,

I don't know what to say anymore. I feel so sad that you lost your husband and before that your wonderful sweet child just a year ago. My heart goes out to you and I am just wondering how you will cope. Is anyone near you whom you are close to who can be with you? You are in my prayers and am holding you close in my thoughts and praying for strength, grace and peace for you in such a difficult time. 

This blog was recommended by another mom I trust. Thought it had some thoughtful insights on grief. It is written by Pamela Haddock:

http://ofmenandmount...path-we-travel/

Laurie ~ Jesse's mom... That link was good, cried a lot because it is so true for us... every word. It is helpful and insightful. Some suggestions are good  but what I finally do understand is that life is altered and navigating this new territory is so very difficult.In two days I shift home and it means leaving the home where I was with my son for many years. It has been a cocoon, something to get back to, our shared experience. When I walk into my son's room I am always lulled into forgetting that he is not here. I kiss his pillow at night and smooth the sheet before I sleep. I always kissed him onhis forehead before he slept whenever we were here together. He would raise his head in mock annoyance and say ok ok hurry up but I know how pleased he used to be with all the small gestures of love. Never again?:(

Davi, I am so sorry you have to feel another loss so close to your heart.  HUGS!!!!!!

Rj your not crazy! I've been on this path for the past 31 months and I still cry everyday.  I'm learning to do it more privately now but I still cry everyday.  Hell I'm crying right now.

Hi everyone.. just three more days until Brandon's leaving day again.. two years now... I feel numb and like I'm bracing for a clobbering... the little reminders of him seem to have slowed down to a trickle, but are still so heartwarming.. the other day the cat brought the tiniest bunny onto our back porch.. we rescued it from her and put it in the woodpile so it would be safe.. seeing that tiny bit of fur, all vulnerable and scared... just made me remember the little boy we adopted all those years ago who came to us so withdrawn and frightened and with so many health issues.. again lately I have been reminded that not all of the world wants to hear about our lost children or see our grief.. this time through a Christian online church that recently started up and which I had thought would be a good place to participate in.. but they have told me I am expressing self pity, and later was told that I wanted to 'pour out my grief on the internet' when all I was trying to do was share memories of Brandon and express my sadness... so many people were asking for prayer over there own losses I thought maybe a group where we could remember loved ones, and share our hard times to help each other heal would be good... guess I was wrong.. so it makes this site all the more precious to me... love you all

I found this little bunny on the internet before the real bunny showed up on my doorstep.. but it sure does look like the same bunny !! God has so many ways of reaching out to us... and reminding us of our lost ones.. who aren't really LOST.. just temporarily away...

Oh Davi - OMG I can not believe  what you are having to deal with. I am so so sorry for your loss. I hope you can find support and a good counselor for your kids. You will just have to try to focus on them and keeping your family strong together. Oh my dear is there anything at all I can do? Please feel free to call me anytime. I will send you a PM with  my number.

so sorry Davi.. so much pain... too many losses... hugs and prayers..

RJ I just write a LONG message to you and I LOST IT !! Now I have to run.  You are not going crazy you are learning to live with this grief, is all. Some days you feel stronger and wiser , then back to square one. I only wish I could say it gets better but 29 months into it and I too like Teresa said, cry everyday.  From those in my support group who are 10+ years they seem to have found a groove to their lives but the pain always remains. It just sucks and today is one of those damn days. My heart breaks for  us all and especially for Davi and Rachel having to deal with all of this loss. Sening you all love and prayers.

Dolly thinking of you as you approach your "angelverssary". Hugs

Thank you Connie for your kindness.. I am trying to just focus on memories of good things... as much as I can... like just today I was thinking how cute Brandon was about ice cream... he didn't eat by mouth but could take tastes of ice cream or pudding... every time we tried giving him ice cream though, he would alternate quickly between 'I love it' and 'I hate it' faces.. it was so funny... he would screw his face all up at first, when the cold hit his tongue, and then almost immediately would grin when he realized how good it tasted... and back and forth...this brought a smile to my face... how I miss that face...

Vasanthi, it seems like the missing is just so intense some days. Today is one of those days for me.

Jill, if you find the move helped, it is a good thing. I read this from another bereaved parent which I have found to be true for me:

"Everything helped a little, nothing helped a lot."

Dolly, I am sorry about the church and lack of empathy. My daughter recently had some very Baptist lady that kept approaching her; as my daughter works at a local store so she talks to many people. Anyways for some reason this lady would keep a conversation up with my daughter everytime she came at the store. This woman told my daughter point blank that "She needed to get over her brother's death and move on." Mind you, we don't even really know this person, just a regular customer at this store with a Baptist background. This woman also attended the movie "Do You Believe" so I don't know if she thought she was practicing some kind of new Christian moves or what...I told my daughter that she has to tell that woman immediately if she ever ventures a conversation again to stay away. We don't even know this person! yet they are offering their advice on our worst nightmare we live everyday. Crazy world.

Connie, I agree that some days it is back to square one.

Laurie... some people just totally amaze me.. are they mean spirited ? or just not all there? or just not able to think very well? Who says things like that and thinks its a good or helpful thing to say?  like the people on the beach that saw my two disabled sons in their rafts at the water's edge and asked us if they were real.. and when we told them yes, they asked are they alive.... you just have to shake your head in wonder.. how annoying and upsetting for your daughter.. and she is sort of stuck there having to listen because of the job ....

Being busy is good. Having the desire to get started is hard. I am doing the newsletter tonight for our local TCF chapter and am taking a break. It helps me feel productive and supported as I really grasp how many walk in our shoes. Peace to everyone tonight. "All day, all night , angels watchin' over me my Lord....All day, all night , angels watchin' over me." I've got to believe that - even while I wonder why it has to be this way

I miss you so so much my sweet boy. I love you so much

I spoke to a counselor today that told me that when we grieve, our missing our children actually gets harder as time goes on.  I guess because in the beginning we are numb and are in denial.  As time goes by, we realize that they really are not coming back.  I am 3 months out now. I can't imagine the pain getting worse that it is now.  I won't survive...

I know Jill. Me too. It is so hard to act "normal" at work. I try not to act too sad around my other children... I hate to make them sad.

The truth is, I feel so lost and empty. A part of my heart is missing. Somedays it's hard to go on.  Other days, its a little better.   I am scared of what lays ahead.  I hope I can survive this.

Dolly, thinking of you and praying for you to have peace and love.

Connie, everyday is a damn struggle. Like Jill said, I used to be strong and now I am weak. I am in total agreement. My son was everything and that was the only thing I was really good at.. at being his mom... now every other role is a struggle... its all ()@#$@%#$% up. Just this morning while praying I was feeling hopeful thinking maybe the wait won't be long and maybe I'll just drop dead and felt such relief at the thought!!!!! I wish I was 90 years old or something so that I either go senile or dead.

oh Vasanthi... I'm sorry its so bad... it is so bad though... no matter what anyone says.. it just is so bad... but at least it is spring... that is one thing that is not so bad... two more days and its angelversary time... soon you will be back in the US right Vasanthi?  MA in the spring and summer is pretty.. you will have your sweetheart near ... maybe it will lift your heart... I hope so...