Missing my Son or Daughter

451 members

For all of us that are suffering the loss a son or daughter.

Comments Discussions Members

Load Previous Comments

Sharon

Oh I'm sorry Sheri. Give it at least 3 times. Maybe because the weather was bad? I've only been once too. I wish it was more than once a month. Check out local hospitals. Ours have bereavement groups weekly. Some churches have them too if you are religious. Grief share is a religious one around here. I tried that one, but felt a little out of place because it was too religious for me.
personally, but you may find it useful.

Rj, I've always cried easily, so crying has been hard for me. I cried so much that I had no tears left!

Mar 25, 2015
Michelle H

Connie, I'm so sorry that you had to put Gully to sleep. Our beloved pets are family and it's hard to say goodbye. I'm glad you asked Daniel to take care of him. I hope Chris is taking care of pets we've had to part with. I do know Chris is with his favorite cat, Bliss, who was like a best friend to him when he was first out on his own.

Mar 25, 2015
Connie K

It's that time. The day before my son's birthday. He would have been 20. I didn't do the drum circle but did get the t-shirt blanket done in time. It arrived on Friday. Love being able to wrap it around me. We will have dinner with his best friends and hike the mountain where they out up the little wooden cross

Mar 30, 2015
Rj

Aw connie, sounds like a wonderful celebration for your sweet boy. God bless you. Xoxo

Mar 30, 2015
Jane P

Thinking of you Connie.

We miss out on so much.....

Mar 30, 2015
Rj

I went to my first group meeting last night. Survivors of suicide. It was hard but it is another step. Wednesday will be 2 months since i lost my beautiful son. Oh how i miss you larry

Mar 30, 2015
Sharon

Connie, what a beautiful way to spend your beloved Daniels birthday.

I'm sure it was a really hard day for you. Hope that being wrapped in that special blanket made it easier for you.

Hugs,

Sharon

Mar 30, 2015
Sharon

Rj,

How was the meeting? Did you find it helpful? It's so hard. We are so early in our grief, that nothing really helps. We just exist from day to day like robots. We have no choice but to continue on... hopefully it will get easier in time.

Sharon

Mar 30, 2015
Rj

Sharon, i did find it helpful. I am glad i went. Today was okay but this evening sure has been hard. When those big waves hit, hard to get back up! Maybe its just night time, too much time to think once the days come to an end. How are you holding up?

Mar 30, 2015
Lynn Williams

Much love Connie. How wonderful to share Daniel's birthday with his friends.

Mar 30, 2015
Sharon

Rj,

I feel the same as you... I have some good moments, followed by really bad moments. Grief is like ocean waves and you are right. It's really hard to keep getting back up. I'm working part time. It makes me get up and get out of the house. I can sometimes make it through work without tears, but I usually cry all the way home. I try hard at work to act normal and people tell me how well I am doing. I have them fooled, they don't now what a mess I am inside.

Sharon

Mar 30, 2015
Teresa D.

I think the day they came and the day they left are the hardest days to get through. Connie, my heart is with you!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DANIEL!!!!!

Mar 31, 2015
Rj

I am supposed to start back on Monday sharon. Not sure how ready i am but i dont have much choice, i can't afford to stay off any longer. I know it will be hard but like you, i will be as "normal" as possible but yes, inside a mess, probably always will be. One step at a time

Mar 31, 2015
Sharon

Rj

You can do it. Just take breaks when you need to. Sometimes I run into the bathroom for little cries. I went back the week before i was scheduled to go back and brought everyone lunch, just to get most of the big cries and hugs over. That's the worst part, when people come up to you and say they are sorry. Then they tell you they know how they feel, because their grandma or dog died last year.! Idiots!

Mar 31, 2015
Rj

Just dreading any and all holidays...probably always will.

Apr 2, 2015
Eva Van

I couldn't bear the first anniversary of her death. I avoided it actually. I hate this...I do not want to remember this date !!! I DON'T WANT HER TO BE ...gone...

Such sadness, such pain. I can find no value in it, no purpose. Where is the strength promised ?! Where is the light at the end of this tunnel ??! This is a black hole which sucks out and extinguishes light.

I don't want her to be gone...I don't want to be me

Apr 3, 2015
Sharon

On top of my sons death in February, my dad died last night. Life really sucks for me right now

Apr 3, 2015
Rj

Oh dear sharon....i wish i could just hug you right now.i am so sorry

Apr 4, 2015
kim

Sharon, hun im so very sorry. please know im here for you. love and hugs kim

Apr 4, 2015
Rj

Kim, how are you doing...i know you lost shawn in November. Has time lessened the pain at all?? Larry has only been gone 2 months and im still dying every day.

Apr 4, 2015
Sharon

Thank you Kim, thank you Rj. I feel like my barely healing wounds are being ripped open again. I wish we were close by each other so that we could meet and cry together and hug each other. We are still so sad. Maybe I do need to take the antidepressant. Not sure if it will help. I feel like nothing will take away the grief. I'm not depressed... I'm sad. Isn't that normal?

Apr 4, 2015
Rj

Yes it is! If we weren't sad i don't think that would be normal. Its just dealing with it every second of the day. I wish we could fast forward to the day when at least the pain wasn't so great. Never forget or get over but at least to be able to function. I wish we were closer, i think we could teally help each other. I have to say the zoloft has helped somewhat. It doesnt make me tired or a zombie, its helping get my chemical, brain balanced back out. I am on a low dose, 50 mg because i dont want to be over medicated. I tried 75 mg and it gave me the jitters too much. The 50 is a good level for me. Plus i take a xanax in the evening, the worst time for me and my thoughts. I knew this was too big for me to handle without the medication. It does take about 3 weeks to notice some level of change. I plan to stay on it as long as i need to!

Apr 4, 2015
Connie K

Sharon - I am so sorry for the loss of your Dad. My heart goes out to you and everyone here. Such a hard journey we're on....

I had two dreams this week about my son. In both he was around 10. I love seeing him but I hate waking up

Apr 4, 2015
Sharon

I take Xanax at night too, or I wouldn't sleep. I'm glad the Zoloft is working for you. I'm just such an anxious person anyway, that I'm afraid to take any new medication. I take a 5HTP from Costco, which is sort of a serotonin replacement. I do feel some relief from it. I'm just such an anxious person anyway, that I would probably worry about side effects... which would cause them to happen you know? Yes, stay on the meds as long as you need them. I saw my general doctor yesterday and he said that my Xanax is such a low dose that there is no risk of addiction. We need to do what we need to do to survive these first horrid months. I too wish we could fast forward to a day without tears...

Apr 4, 2015
Rj

People are starting to say replace the pain with the good memories but i am just not there. My God if i could do that i would! I have so many good memories but it doesnt make me feel even the least bit better. I know a day may come when yes, I will be able to smile when i think of him but it is not now, not today!

Apr 4, 2015
Sharon

Connie I've only had two dreams about Troy. Once he was a small boy around 5, and once he was grown but didn't speak... I wish I could dream more.

Rj, people that haven't been this don't get it. My neighbor asked me how I was, and I said not good. She answered happily, "oh well, time heals all". My broken heart will never heal. It may scab a little, but it will never heal.

Apr 4, 2015
Rj

So very true connie.

Apr 4, 2015
Teresa D.

HAPPY EASTER!

I hope everyone finds some sense of peace today.

Apr 5, 2015
Vasanthi S

Sharon, it must be so hard for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Connie am glad you could share Daniel's birthday with his friends.

Prayers to all of us here .

Apr 6, 2015
Connie K

Sharon, that comment. grrrr If only it were true....time has nothing to do with it but that's what everyone wants to believe....time helps to figure out how to manage the pain, that is all.

Apr 6, 2015
Sharon

Only been two months since my son died. Thursday before Easter my father died. So much sadness at my house. I feel guilty because I feel like I'm still grieving so much for my son, that I have nothing left for dad. I can only take so much at one time?

Apr 9, 2015
Connie K

Monique - that pain is so horrible. I still sometimes feel like I cannot breath. It is unbelievable - the whole thing. Life is a new and unchartered ocean. I hate cruises. I don't want to go. I think we all feel the same . We just want them back....

Apr 9, 2015
Connie K

Sharon - i am so sorry that your dad passed away. That is a lot to deal with. Don't feel guilty - your dad knows that it's different with a parent. As horrible as it is to lose your parent ( I have lost my dad and both in-laws who I was very close to), it is a natural progression of time. It is something we are prepared for at some point - that they will go first. To lose a child is not natural. It is literally a part of you and a soul connection that is the greatest. Your psyche is protecting you from too much pain. You will process it and grieve just the way you need to, Sending you lots of love and prayers. Connie

Apr 9, 2015
Rj

May we all find some way to cope...well work whooped my butt today, tired, first day back since losing larry 2/1. I was met with such genuine and gentle kindness. Has a few small meltdowns. I did better than what i thought i would.

Apr 9, 2015
Sharon

Rj - Im so glad that work went well today. I think that I actually do better on the days that I work too. Meltdowns will be normal, I have them too. I just go run into the bathroom. I have learned to always have Kleenex with me because I never know when they will hit. I'm just so tired of being sad and crying. My eyes are tired, my whole body is tired...

Connie, thank you for your love and prayers. You are right, it is not normal to bury your child. The heartache just never leaves us...

Apr 9, 2015
Rj

It did me good, i was drowning in my grief, mourning and depression in my living room. I prayed and talked to larry on the way in to watch over me and give me the strength just to get thru the day. Oh what a hole he left

Apr 9, 2015
Sharon

Sheri it's so hard. Sometimes it's easier to just say two because then there is no need to explain which will bring up the tears. But, we feel guilty because we do not want to ignore our children that passed... Like they've never existed. It's hard and painful whichever way you respond.

Apr 11, 2015
Connie K

Yes it is hard when you are asked that question. I dread it. But I have learned to answer honestly. Daniel was my my only child so it just doesn't feel right at all saying I have no children because I am a mother! I still am a mother. So I say that I have 1 son who has unfortunately passed. Most people respond with compassion. And those who don't have food for thought and usually then will become interested in Daniel's life. This is life and Death is a part of life. I think the more people can talk about it and accept it will just bring about more understanding and love between us all. And I appreciate people asking questions about my sweet angel because that's what I really want to talk about. Oh what a rocky road this is. Just so hard. I feel so grateful for the support of everyone here. Love and prayers to you all.

Apr 11, 2015
Rj

I went to a new place to have my hair done, just do not want to go back to some places where people know, dont want to talk about it to people who are not close to me. The woman was talking about her kids and asked if i had children....i knew it would come up, i just said yes i have one wonderful son, he is 27, the light of my life snd just chsnged the subject. That will always be my answer from this day forward.

Apr 11, 2015
Connie K

I have found lots of new places to go - when I don't feel like talking I avoid!! Good answer Rj

Apr 11, 2015
Teresa D.

Michael will always be my son. I still struggle with this question. I don't want to have to explain it and I don't want the sad looks when I say, "Michael is not here". But sometimes at my own fault I end up having to say it. I then just try to keep a smile and move the conversation on.

Apr 12, 2015
Dolly

I usually say I have four children...three are here with me and one is in heaven with God... but not everyone believes in heaven or God so some people don't like that answer.. but too bad.. its what I believe and I don't really care all that much what anyone thinks .... at least about that subject.. its personal and its what it is.. my truth is my truth and if they don't like it they can not ask me again.. I've lost all patience with having to explain anything to anybody I'm afraid.. I just don't think anyone who hasn't lost their child has a clue .. some keep telling me how much they miss their children who live a far distance away from them and I just want to clobber them when they do that.. but I know they just don't know and I'm not supposed to clobber them, and really am supposed to love them .. so I hide alot too.. just to avoid the whole dang explanation thing...

Apr 12, 2015
Rj

Sheri...be easy and gentle with yourself. We are learning day by day just how to manage our pain and grief. Let that go, it is just a tiny thing compared to what we must face for rhe rest of our lives. Xoxo

Apr 12, 2015
Connie K

Sheri please do not feel guilty. It is so hard to know how to navigate these waters. We are so often blind sided by comments and questions and the rage of emotions inside just have no where to go. I have answered the same way as you did in the past if I knew it was someone I would never see again and didn't want to deal with it. But that didn't work for me. It's all a learning process. You'll know in your heart what is the right thing to say and it may be different some days. It doesn't change the love between you and your child one bit. Just don't worry about how it may make others feel... you have enough to deal with. And I''ll tell you one thing, you will find out who will be a support for you now in your life and who won't. Choose to be with those who can support you, listen when you need to vent and just be with you when you need peace and quiet. lots of love and prayers to you and everyone.

Apr 12, 2015
Rj

Sundays seem to last forever. I remember when larry was still here, we would meet up or he'd come to my house. We would spend half the day together and then i would dread monday because i wasnt ready for the weekend to end. Things have changed in so msny ways. I lost him on a sunday so those are my worst days, plus i am ready to get to work, just so i can have some distraction for 9 hours out of the day. Going back thursday was good, was worn out since i was off for two months. It will take awhile get my stamina back up but at least i am getting out, off the couch, drowning in grief. It is a scary place, easy to find comfort in depression. Larry was lively and so positive i know he would not want me to get stuck in that condition. The ache tho, no matter what i am doing is right there...still so painful

Apr 12, 2015
Jill E

I have not posted for a long time. Moved into our house in Arizona to be clear set to our youngest son. I just have to get it out about my daughter-in law.The pain she has caused me is another jab in an torn apart heart. So with all of my heart I have to let go of this. She will do whatever she will do. I still have my son with me and always will. But one time only to all of you I have to say this she is a bitch. Now I will go and feTo guilty for saying that.

Apr 12, 2015
Jill E

My typos in that post are horrible. My emotions took over my typing. Love to you all and it saddens me to see more followers to this site than the last time I posted.

Apr 12, 2015
Rj

No grammar police here jill. I dont even worry about spell check, we have enough to deal with. Its so sad when other family members make it so hard, as if you are not already suffering enough. Dont feel guilty, if she is a bitch than you can say it as much as you want as far as I am concerned. Love back to you!

Apr 12, 2015
Jill E

She is a bitch!!! And not only that I know he put the bottle to his mouth but so did she. The pain she has caused me will never go away. She may have the same problem or maybe not, I know Josh was her husband they both hid his/their addiction so well I never knew. She never told me anything I never had the chance to help him.

Apr 12, 2015
Rj

Mothers day...already dreading it beyond words

Apr 12, 2015