last week we were given another amazing gift from heaven... I have never seen anything like this before in the woods near our mountain house.... I've seen lots of mushrooms but nothing like this:

of course I had to play with it...

dolly, all I can say is wow so beautiful. its a sign I know it is   hugs kim

thank you kim...it always makes me smile in my heart when something beautiful like this happens...also the deer have started to come out into the field in front of the mountain house and often look up at us when we are playing music.. they don't seem a bit afraid or disturbed by the music and come quite close.. to the bottom of the hill in front... BUT we also got a shock when we went upstairs [which we close up in winter] and found a LONG snake skin had been shed in our closet over the rod... a black snake who came in for the mice I guess... I wondered where all the mice had gone... but we aren't too worried because black snakes are territorial so I've been told, and should keep the rattlers at bay, and also I think it might be the same snake... or a relative... that twice came down the railing beside us on the back porch a year or so ago when we were playing music out there... she was docile and not the least afraid of us or threatening... so I guess we now have a WATCH SNAKE.... never thought THAT could happen...

omh dolly, I would have to move, im so afraid of them , hell I run when I see a worm.  the deer would be beautiful,  hugs  kim

Beautiful picture Dolly.

I've never sleep so much before in my life. i'm at the near 5 month mark of losing my only child and I think i'm now entering the depression phase....

today is 9 months since my only child my son shawn went away,  it hurts so bad, I miss him with all my heart. it feels like yesterday, god I remember  that last day. worse day of my life. I pray every night to go with him, and when I wake up im still here , and so pissed. I cant take much more, it hurts like nothing you ever felt before, tears tears and more tears. I have not had a dream of anything since he went away, I ask him every night to come to my dreams, but nothing.  why has he left me here why?   

Kim, on the 7th will be the 8 month mark for me, I know he was not my only child and I can't even imagine that, but I too wish Dylan would come to me in my dreams I ask him everynight PLEASE!!! and to no avail no dreams. 

Rachel, I am so sorry you have had to join us here. The death of your child is the worst pain any person will ever go through. I am glad you found the site and hopefully it will offer you support and comfort knowing you are not alone. I lost my 26 year old daughter Kyra in a car accident last August 17th, so the first anniversary of her death is fast approaching. Right after Kyra's death I wanted and prayed to die, so I could be with her.  I felt like I was going crazy and I would never climb out of the deep pit.  All of what you are feeling is so normal; the shock and disbelieve are so hard to grasp. Two weeks ago our family went back to Montana to where she was a farmer to celebrate her birthday.  It was only then that I started to realize she was physically gone from my life.  The yearning and loneliness are the worst in the beginning, I still cry everyday and pray she is safe and happy in heaven.  Knowing that I will see her again when I die keeps me going. I never thought last September that I would still be here a year later.

I started grief counseling soon after Kyra died and joined a monthly group of other mother's who also lost a child. Both have helped me sort my new life out and not feel so alone.  For me, when I don't let the tears or emotions out I get real anxious.  I still have waves of crippling sadness but I know now they will pass. We are here for you Rachel any time you need us. Much love Lynn   

since losing my only child 4 months ago I am now in jeopardy of losing my grandchildren forever. court is tomorrow. the father, (who has been absent their whole lives) has been battling me in court since her death, has our hearing for primary custody. there are no "grandparent rights" in Florida. I fear not only have I lost my only child but I am no losing my whole family.  Please God be with us tomorrow. 

Rachel: I fully sympathize with your feelings.  Desiree' too died in an auto accident just 4 months ago. I wish I had the magic words to tell you things will get better but I too am at a loss. Please stay strong. Remember often and never give up hope for your future. Words I try and live by although usually unsuccessfully.  But I still try. Daily.

Big hugs Rachel, reach out to us often. You'll need it.

linda,  GOOD LUCK  tomorrow, my heart is with you. please let us know, hugs  kim

I still believe in the prayer system. God is good. Please pray for me tomorrow my circle of unfortunate friends.

Thank you Kim, God is with us all.

Linda, I pray that you will have a happy outcome with your grandchildren. I hate to think that an absent father will have preference over the grandma who has been there for the children. My sincere prayers are with you.

Rachel, we are all here for you and for one another. You'll learn that we need you, too. I sent you a friend request which should show up on your page. Your grief is so new and we all understand what that feels like. The others are right: the pain never goes away, we just learn how to live with it. Knowing our children are happy keeps us going, as does the thought of being with them again. Peace to you.

Thank you all for your lovely comments.  I don't feel so alone.  I send all of you my sympathies and love as well. Everyday is a new battle and journey for us all.   

A friend of mines son was killed in a car accident on Mon. He was a good friend to both of my sons. I was determined to not let it get the best of me. Try as I may It slapped me right up side my head. I feel so bad for his mother and family. Strange I have been through this twice and I haven't got one word to comfort her. His father called me the day he died and asked me where I went to identify my oldest son's body. I felt like I had been hit in the head with a shovel. I know it's never going to stop. I know that this is life, but I don't like it. I will do whatever I can to help this family. I feel that it is my duty to be there for them no matter how much it hurts. Being here has taught me so much. I'm sad there are so many of us who have to travel this road. I pray my strength holds out. I think of all of you often, and hope somehow, someway, someday we all find some sort of Peace.

todays its raining and dark, im sitting here crying,  thinking about shawn, and asking him to wait for me, I keep telling him it wont be long. I miss him so bad, and I love shawn more then life.  dear god it hurts.

Siblings of a brother or sister who have died deal with this loss in different ways. The younger ones know that something bad has happened to their family, but have a hard time understanding, and expressing their feelings. Some are afraid of another loss so they shut down. Thus the fighting, and tense behavior. Some feel the devastation of their parents but are either afraid, or feel helpless to react. This is all normal. Most of the time it eases with time, and patience. When you lose a child, and have other children it's important to talk about it, and give the siblings a chance to express their feelings. Every situation is different. You just do the best you can.

just when I think i'm on my way to healing I see something of my daughters and I go back into the black abyss.  it's been 5 months now and I still have so much of her things to go through...

I had both of my daughters children yesterday. it's so hard to believe how much they've grown in the 5 months since losing their mother. they are 3 and 7, it is bitter sweet having them. my pain is deep wishing she were here to see how they've grown and wishing she could be here to appreciate her beautiful creations.

thank you Mary Chris, I've just ordered the book you recommended. 

grey days and sad songs are my life...

Been reading everything. Just love to all here, lots of love and prayers.

Missing you for 3 years now, 8/14/2011. I still love and miss you so much.

Adrienne I know what you mean. Last year Kyra was alive and we were visiting her in Montana. She died on August 17, 2013. I am going to see a LI medium show in Albany that day by myself I sure hope Kyra comes through. Love to all here.

:'( rough couple of days. A year is quickly approaching and it feels as though no one understands.

every day I miss my boy... every night... all the time... I feel numb so much of the time now... except for that ache that never goes away... the longing and the pain... that never goes away ... ever....

https://search.yahoo.com/search?fr=mcafee&type=A111US605&p=...

could be a song to lament a frozen heart too....

Memorial Bench

My pain is not only grief but guilt also, all wrapped up in a messed up piece.

It will be coming up on two years this October for me since I lost my son. Yesterday I had to contact the sheriff's dept regarding the woman who ran over my son (she killed him in his own lane and is being charged with vehicular homocide) . The woman ran away before the court hearing so we are now looking for her. The sheriff dept was actually snotty to me in the first email back. Like somehow I should not be asking for an update on her whereabouts and their efforts to locate her. I asked back in the second email, "if you are not the appropriate person to contact in regards to updates please indicate who correct person is"...and yes, the next email through was totally different in tone. It is sad when a victim of a crime has an uphill battle on everything, including those who are "sworn to protect and to serve". I  think they forgot that part. Also our sheriff is an elected official, I would like to ask him who he thinks he works for.

Dick, What a beautiful memorial for your son.  I'm only 2 months in and I just can't see it getting any easier.  I miss my daughter so much.  She was the light of my eye.  The only thing I did right.  It's so hard to keep myself together here at work or anywhere for that matter. But I'm doing my best.  I'm fortunate to have found this site.  I love you all.  My heart, prayers and love goes out to all of you.  Tight hugs and tears. 

Sunday the 17th will be the first anniversary of Kyra's death. I got a single ticket to see the Long Island medium,at 3:00 on that day at a group event. This has been the hardest year of my life and many times I didn't think I would survive. I want to thank you all for being here to listen when I needed someone to hear me and support me when I felt hopeless. I have come a ways in dealing with the emptiness and I am so glad my daughter Genna will be moving back to Vermont in October. Thank you all again. Lynn

To all of you  - just want you to know you are all in my heart.

Dick - beautiful bench. I think it is so important to keep giving in the name of our child. What a beautiful gift to others. So sorry for your pain.

Adrienne and Lynn - thinking of you both so much and I will light candles for both of your children on the 17th. Just hate getting farther away from when we saw them last. Those anniversaries are so hard. (((   )))

We just took a 2 day trip to the beach before my husband returns to work. Went to a place we frequented many times with our son and friends over the years. Daniel loved the beach. This morning at breakfast a kid who looked just Daniels' age when he passed (17) walked by. All sleepy and and a little disgruntled as teens will be in the am on a family trip. He looked so much like Daniel that I just crumbled inside. As he walked away he looked just like him. I want to hold my son in my arms again. I feel like my chest is filled with concrete.

Sigrid _ still have the unwashed sheets also . I will never wash them.

to all the most wonderful people I have ever met, you are all in my heart, I know we   are in unbearable pain, our tears will never stop, love you all hugs and thank you for being my friends  

Good morning - I haven't been frequenting this site as often as I did in the beginning (I think I was left feeling more depressed at the time).  It's been a little over 2 months and I'm desperately trying to come to grips with losing my only child - Michael.  I've been to see Maureen Hancock, a well known medium and I went to visit my priest (the one who did Michael's service).  The pain of losing someone you love and adore is so very deep that sometimes I have to stay in the moment or else I could really lose it.  I respect each and every one of you for opening your hearts and sharing such sadness with others.  I am going to try and stay more connected but please know if I'm not visiting the site, its only because I'm in another funk.  I imagine I'll have plenty along the way.....love, hugs and peace

Gale

hi gale, there are times I just cant come on either. I cry so much I can see the letters.  and I pray each night to go with my only child shawn. living without him is unbearable pain. and finding people  that know my pain was hard to, till I came here.  I print out all the letters they send me, and read them a lot.  I have lost friends over my grieving but in here I have made the best friends I ever had.  im so lonely and empty,  but they understand.  take care hugs   love  kim