Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Karen on October 24, 2011 at 4:47pm

How long ago was your loss? I am sorry to hear you are experiencing this too. I have never been here and was wondering if it was a common reaction.

Permalink Reply by Ruth on October 24, 2011 at 6:53pm

Dear Karen, Panni Anna and all,

 

Yes, it is a normal reaction to become jumpy.  The technical term is "hypervigilant".  I was already that way, due to prior PTSD but have some days worse than others now.  I used to be ashamed that I was "overreacting" but really how can one overreact to "life or death", which it is in our minds now?  I try to view it as God's way of making sure I am taking care of myself.  When we survive past someone else, our world is demonstrably less safe and the heightened reactions are the body's way of making sure we're going to act to survive.  If I had been at the store and screamed after the man sneezed, I would just have sheepishly smiled and said, "Oh, I'm so sorry.  It's just that you startled me."  I've had to do that for many other situations; book slams at school, husband coming in from the end of third shift while I'm sleeping in, peripheral vision upsets in traffic with others driving...

 

Something that happened today that's related is that I shot a "death ray" look at the criminal parents of the perpetrator past our prosecutor, who I think took it personally.  I was making it non-verbally clear to them that they were NOT going to ride up in the same elevator as us. I "laser sighted" on them hypervigilantly, instantly forgetting I was already in a conversation with our ally, who caught the corner of my focussed warning off look.  I did not get a graceful way to convey to him that he did not catch me regarding HIM in an unguarded moment but rather the scum that spawned my dad's murderer. Hopefully he figured it out from the handshakes and warm exchange after the trial date, final date to file pretrial motions, pre-trial motions rulings date and the last pre-trial conference date were set. Sounds like the trial will take about 1 week starting at the end of March. I wonder how much of a difference it will make when it's all over, other than to know he will be locked up the rest of his life, so hopefully he won't hurt anyone else.  Cold comfort that.

 

Permalink Reply by Karen on October 26, 2011 at 8:46am

my doctor also prescribed xanax...told me to take it three times daily! I dont take mine either. It seems he wants me to medicate the pain rather than learning to live with it.

Permalink Reply by Jennifer R. Lear on October 31, 2011 at 10:14am

My son passed away 9 years ago. He was only 14-months-old, and it was very unexpected. He was a beautiful, healthy boy, and then one night while I was at work, I received a phone call telling me to get to the hospital. When I reached the hospital, no one would give me any information. I had no idea why I was there, or who I was there for. Finally, which seemed forever the doctor came out to tell me the horrible news.

It has been 9 years and I am scared of everything, all the time.  A door opens, I jump. A loud noise, and I lose control. It is absolutely horrible, and the people around me just don't understand, and this is not something that is very easy to explain, because I, myself, do not understand what is going on with me. You are not alone.

Permalink Reply by Barbara Santoli on November 1, 2011 at 4:16pm

Karen,

Since I saw my husband die I have times I want to jump right out of my skin. Going to the grocery store was almost something I couldn't handle because he did the shopping. I still get very anxious when I go but I keep going. I have things in the house that he took care of and I panic I don't know what to do. It will be 3 months this week and I get axious because its the 3rd of the month. I just try to talk myself through the axious moments but I feel them every day. Each time I get through one of these episodes I feel like I've conquered something. What we are dealing with is not just the grief of losing our loved one but the Traumatic shock. I can only hope with time it will lessen. When these moments come quickly think of a happy memory with Steve. I have tried it and it works, I may cry because I want that happiness again but the anxiety lessens.
Everyone deals with these things and feels them the same way or different. But that is why I came to this site because only those of us going through it can understand.