I suddenly lost my grandfather in 11 minutes it will be exactly 10 months ago,.  The first three months were the hardest for me. after that I was sad often but not to where I was crying everday. Since November hit, I have been incredibely sad and missing him. I keep thinking to myself, its been 10  months, you should feel better by now.  Thanksgiving was hard, I cried most of the holiday.  I went to see his grave today and it tore me up, I didn't expect to feel this way but I do, I just feel blah and I miss him terribly. Since November, I have felt like I did in Feb the month we lost him. I feel like this isn't normal and I am going crazy, I feel like maybe I am just feeling sorry for myself or something. Christmas is also my birthday and I keep crying because I don't want to turn 32 without him.   If he were here, I would be talking to him about this, jsut being upset, He was one of my biggest supports, a father figure, a best friend.   I just miss him. Is this normal?

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   What is normal??  Don't let anyone tell you how long to grieve or how to do it. There is no one way or a certain amount of time for it. We each deal with it in our own way and our own time. And that is how grief works..one day or even for weeks etc..u can be fine..then something will hit you like a ton of bricks and it feels like you just lost that loved one yesterday. The holidays are upon us and that is always gonna make the missing part of us feel that much stronger. They are not here to share the good times with us like they had been and we are sad..angry..and lonely. Your Grandpa is with you because he is a part of you always..but that doesn't lessen you missing him.. Allow yourself to feel how you feel, but try to find a way to celebrate him this holiday. We are here to listen and understand..so keep talking. hugs

 

Lately I have been feeling so anxious and having panic attack because of my approaching bday and holidays.  I know that I have many people that care and love me but lately I feel so alone and then I really do start questioning if anybody does care or not. .  I feel like my friends would leave me if I really tell them how hard of a time I am having,   then I feel like I am just feeling sorry for myself.

  Everything you are feeling is "normal". and i understand that feeling of feeling very alone with your feelings. You want to talk to people about it..but you sometimes refrain for fear of scaring them off from talking about it too much etc..And honestly...if they haven't been through a serious loss in their lives, they cannot possibly grasp the pain and feelings you are going through, no matter how well meaning they are. Friends are supposed to be there during your worst moments..if they aren't or walk away from you when you need it the most, what kind of friend is that?  They will be there, as much as they can be. They might get frustrated because they can't cheer you up or do anything to help you. But just remind them, that just being there and listening and caring means more than they know.

 

  I know your fearing your birthday and the holidays..but just think about what your grandpa would want for you on those days. Trust me, I understand the feeling of emptiness and not caring about celebrating anything at all. It's ok to feel that way. To feel however you feel and not apologize for that. Just keep venting..we will listen and care. Sending hugs your way.

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