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Comment by Jill E on August 4, 2015 at 10:16pm

I am posting today because tomorrow we will be on the road taking my youngest son to San Antonio to start his new job.
August 5th-it would have been my eldest son Josh's 34th birthday. And on the 7th it will be 8 months since I lost him. I miss him everyday, each more than the last. I spend my days thinking "What if? And why Josh?" It makes no sense. Tears come frequently almost everyday and some days multiple times. I still don't understand why he was taken and never will. I still bargain and pray that it was me that was taken instead of him. I would trade places with him in a spilt-second. He was an amazing son, brother, friend and husband. It makes me furious he is not here to see his brother move to his Cowboys state. I just don't understand.

My one request to all of you and this may sound trite but hug everyone (pooches included), tell them you love them because you never know, life is so short.
My beautiful son Josh, Happy Birthday! I have been wondering what you would have wanted for your birthday, maybe Madden? And where would you have picked to have your birthday dinner? Oh and I haven't forgotten and never will cheesecake over regular cake.
I love you my sweet darlin'. Thank you for sending me little signs. And I know you will be on the road with us tomorrow.
Joshie WYWH

Comment by Rj on August 4, 2015 at 8:23pm

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GVcFb8e4obY Most beautiful song. Last week Mom and i took larrys ashes to south carolina...he is now blessng the wonderful waters of the Atlantic. Our fsvorite place since he was a baby.

Comment by Sharon Robertson on July 30, 2015 at 4:11pm

I've never had one dream of Shalisha since the accident, it's like she never existed I guess my mind has shut her out till I can cope : )

Comment by Jane P on July 30, 2015 at 11:24am

I've been reading the links some of you have suggested.

Does anyone know of more links?

Thank you

Comment by Connie K on July 25, 2015 at 10:56am

Maureen - wow wow and wow!! You must be going crazy. Those of us who have lost our only child have this dream. That somehow , our child has a baby out there. I know it is wrong but I secretly hoped my son's girlfriend was pregnant. But to find out now and not get any other information must be SO rough for you. I am sorry they are making it hard for you. But I will pray that you can convince who ever told you to give you more info and that you will be able to confirm if it's your grandchild and that the child is being properly cared for. And I will pray that the girl is not still doing drugs and will do the right thing.

Love and prayers to everyone here especially on those dark days. My day is Sat. Sat night at 8:20 is when my son passed. It kind of makes every weekend hard.

BTW we won our lawsuit and it will not go to trial. Bittersweet for sure but it's over. Now we will see if they fix that damn wall in a timely fashion. If they don't I will do something if I have to do it myself. No one else should die that way ever again when it is something so easy to fix.

Comment by Sharon Robertson on July 25, 2015 at 3:10am

Oh Dolly my heart goes out to you.I hate those bombed out kinda days, they just aren't nice at all.

Hugs to you my friend 

Comment by Dolly on July 23, 2015 at 9:24pm

I totally bottomed out again today... all day in the pitts... just never know when or why it's going to hit again .. but it does... sooner or later... what a horrible day.. I've been having weird nightmares lately too.. not about him but just nonsensical mostly... but not sleeping well.. and today ... and it was another THURSDAY.... right from the start I found them so hard as he died on a Thursday... I didn't get it at first .. then I realized every Thursday seemed even more horrible than every other horrible day after he died.. I had sort of forgotten because that eased off some after awhile I guess.. but here it came again..

Comment by Sharon Robertson on July 23, 2015 at 6:23pm

Wow thanks Dolly, it's an awesome cake .... glad that's over for another year.

Connie ...it's always hard to go to their crash site.  don't know if this helps at all but a godly friend said to me (she has been through loss and grief herself) as I was just sitting down beside the tree feeling so very numb... "you are so lucky sharon" I thought she had lost the plot saying something like that to me, but then she continued in saying..."you are sitting in the very spot where angles came down and ministered to the others in the car and took your daughter home, she wasn't alone when she died.. they were with her"

it didn't mean much to me then but thinking about it not everyone who loses a loved one can go to where their loved one was killed.... doesn't ease the pain of the loss but I guess we are blessed to be able to go to their memorial site and place flowers.

My friend who shared that with me lost her 25yr old daughter in the brisbane river... she got cramp and her body wasn't found for 3 days

Thinking of you Connie

Comment by Rj on July 23, 2015 at 6:18pm

I hope you find out something maureen. Oh i would love to have larrys baby around, to be a grandma. I have no other children so that part of my future no longer exists. I hope the best for you all

Comment by Maureen on July 23, 2015 at 4:47pm

Hi everyone, I haven't been on here in a while. I have been exploring other ways of healing. Today though, I feel so alone and helpless. My son passed away last Halloween of a drug overdose. Then 2 days ago, I learned that he had a girlfriend I knew nothing about who now has his baby. All I know at this point is the first name of the woman, and that when she was with my son they were both using drugs. I know the baby's first name, his sex and age. That's it. The person who had passed on the information to begin with isn't telling us anything more. She's saying the girlfriend isn't ready. What the hell?? What does that mean? I have all these questions...Is the baby really Caleb's? Is he safe? Is his mom still using? Why doesn't she want Caleb's family to know him? I'm going crazy!

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