Comment

Comment by Katherine Ellis on May 22, 2009 at 5:15am

Ann, I haven't heard from you for awhile. Are you doing okay? I tried to send you an email but couldn't find the tab on you site?! Just worried. Sending hugs.

Comment by Ann Edmondson on May 20, 2009 at 6:25pm

Fred~your daughter is very pretty. I find it helpful to cry even now. I was talking to my best friend yesterday and she says that there are days she still cries and she lost her daughter 25 years ago. So don't worry about the crying. I was onc told somewhere that crying is God's way of allowing our souls to heal. Those of us here all know what you are feeling. You will be in my prayers. E-mail anytime you want to talk.

Comment by Kar on May 20, 2009 at 1:52pm

Hi Fred, Your daughter is beautiful!
..... Vent anytime - You are understood here. ((( HUG )))

Comment by Gail Richardson on May 20, 2009 at 12:39pm

Hi Fred - I am so sorry you have a reason to be here - but you are amongst people who really do know your pain. Feel free to rant and rave all you need - sometimes it does help to put things into words as your thoughts are all over the place at the moment. You are just starting this terrible journey we all find ourselves on, but we are here to help you find your way through and to hold you up when things are at their toughest.

Comment by Katherine Ellis on May 20, 2009 at 11:48am

Hey Fred. That's why we are here. All of us have lost, felt your pain and know what it's like. There are still days that I cry, am angry, drepressed, cry, question, get out of control. cry. You are never alone. Please feel free to email me anytime. Let those tears fall, don't hold them back or they just build up and come out later I'm praying for you and your family. katherine

Comment by fred upton on May 20, 2009 at 11:15am

heres my 18 yr old daughters pic she was coming home when school let out in june 08 she wanted to teach. im still so very torn up. just writing these entries has me crying . it seems its all i do. i cant controll it. im in need of venting so please excuse some of my future rantings thanx

Comment by Gail Richardson on May 18, 2009 at 3:10pm

You are both welcome - I wish we didn't have to share things like these but it does give some affirmation to our own thoughts and feelings.

Karen - I hope that one day you will be able to get together with that family member - you are not long on this awful journey of grief we find ourselves on. But we are here to lean on when the going gets really tough and your strength fails you. Hugs to you xx

Comment by Kar on May 18, 2009 at 11:36am

Thanks for sharing that poem Gail! I actually sent it to a family member hoping to give her insight on how I feel. She just keeps pushing to get together & I don't have the strength or desire. thanks again for sharing.

Comment by Katherine Ellis on May 18, 2009 at 7:40am

Oh Gail. Thank you for putting into words what we all feel and think, even though this had to come from your own deep dark pain. Not a good day for me because it's Irene's birthday. I wrote in the blog/journal, did it help? Not today. The sun may be out but it's dark inside. Lots of tears flooding here.

Comment by Gail Richardson on May 17, 2009 at 6:37am

A Shade of Sadness. ♥


In comes the darkness to my soul
even as I sit in the early morning sun,
the distant sounds of the living
seem far removed from the fogginess of my mind.
♥
In the stillness of the house
which seems quieter than quiet,
time seems to pass too slowly.
♥
A feeling of being outside myself
looking back into an empty shell
of the person I used to be.
♥
I cry for my former self.
That person I once liked and enjoyed.
She is gone.
A loss within a loss, within a loss.
♥
A heaviness in my heart,
the weight of a million tears.
Drowning my emotions,
mixing and swirling in a pool of despair.
Ugly hateful despair.
♥
A sadness so deep and heavy
leaving the body tired and used,
I feel I could sleep,
sleep for a thousand years and never wake up.
♥
A thousand years will not change a thing.
You would still not be here.
What to believe, I don't know.
I just don't know. My soul is lost.
♥
I know not which way to turn.
Where to look,
♥
I feel helpless,
helpless to help my self,
annoyed with the daily things of life I must do.
♥
I don't care, not anymore.
The world could fall upon it's knees
it would not matter,
I am too shrouded in the darkness of my world
that spins ever out of control,
directing my emotions
with no warning as to what feelings
will be brought upon me next.
♥
There is guilt, another weight to bear.
Those who are with me, who I love and love me,
they need me, but I am not ready.
I hold them back at arms length,
I am not ready,
their demands draw on what strength I have left.
For that I am sorry,
but I cannot help bringing on the emotional distance.
There is a need to protect myself,
but from what I am not sure.
♥
There is anger.
Anger that occasionally swells within me.
There is no direction into which to fling this anger.
It is a new and different type of anger
not one I am familiar with and it disturbs me.
It makes me afraid.
♥
I try to be strong. For you, and only you.
I try to think what you would have me do.
♥
I know you would want me to live my life.
To continue on. It is not an easy task, not at all.
♥
Some days I can go out
and meet the world with vigor and say I do this for you.
♥
Some days I must crawl into my shell
and hide from the world that has been so cruel to me.
I am trying.
♥
The days are filled with thoughts of you,
and should I find myself not thinking of you,
I gasp for fear that I am forgetting you.
♥
I have learned to value life, you have taught me this.
To see the beauty in each day given to me,
even through this veil of sad darkness.
I know it is there waiting for me.
♥
Someday the sadness will lift
and I will only think of you
with a smile and warmness in my heart.
My love for you will always be there
that shall never pass
and I hope somehow you know this too.
♥
Your memory is only a heartbeat away.
I shall always love,
I shall always long for you,
I shall always wish to have you back.
And I shall live -- if only for you.



♥ By Donna Mae Scuncio. ♥

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