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Comment by Marti Shaffer on April 28, 2011 at 9:21am

thank u laura, i know there are no rules and i am a Christian so i pray alot there are just days when i feel like screaming and tearing up all around me but i stay calm then i feel even crazier cause my insides feel so out of control and my outside is just going through the motions of what i have to do. everyone thinks 'she is so strong' but really i'm not. im a little crazy inside but i feel like people dont really wantto hear about it. people say how are you? and i know they  really dont want to know so i say' im doing better' when i really wanna say" im going freaking nuts because my kid is dead and i dont know how to do this" but can u imagine the look on their face if i really said that :)

Comment by Laura Villarreal on April 28, 2011 at 8:42am

Marti, I am so sorry for the passing of your son. My journey of grief began 2 years ago on May 25, 2009.  My only child, my 33 year old daughter Angela, died from injuries sustained in an ATV accident.  She was in Alaska and I was in Texas...it has been so hard.  And now my husband passed away on Monday 4/25/11. You will experience all sorts of extreme emotions...anger, hate sadness, and fleeting moments of joy when you recall happier memories. My daughter had no children.  Most of the time now I can talk about her without breaking down but she is always in my thoughts, my heart...like the air we breath her essence embraces me. I can't say it gets easier because I haven't found that place yet.  While you may not "see" him he is with you. We all grieve differently so please don't think there is a "right" way to get through this. Take care....Laura

Comment by Marti Shaffer on April 28, 2011 at 7:25am

my son died on Jan 12 and i feel like  the grief is sometimes getting worse and not better. i am getting used to the fact that he is dead but i cant get used to the idea that i wont see him again until i die. every day i wake up and its like a blow to my mind heart and soul that he is gone. its always the first thing i remember and it is like a cloud covers my mind. i go through the motions and i take care of what needs to be done but, i miss him so much.  i feel so much anger because he was murdered, shot by another person for nothing. He was only 21. His son is 19 mos old.And today sucks!

Comment by Joan Hardin on April 19, 2011 at 1:52pm

Today is a hard day. It's been 9 months since Jessica was killed and I still find it hard to tell people that didn't know she was killed about it. It brings the pain back and I die a little more inside.

Comment by Margaret Ann Puckett on April 7, 2011 at 8:56pm

This poem was given to me a little after my son was murdered in May 2010.  It was like it came from him just for me & it really did help a little.  I hope it can help someone here.  God Bless.  A little long but well worth it.

 

             To My Dear Family

Some things I'd like to say,

But first of all to let you know

That I arrived okay.

I'm writing this from Heaven

Where I dwell with God above,

Where there's no more tears or sadness

There is just eternal love.

Please do not be unhappy

Just because I'm out of sight,

Remember that I'm with you

Every morning, noon and night.

That day I had to leave you

When my life on Earth was through,

God picked me up and hugged me

And He said I welcome you.

It's good to have you back again

You were missed while you were gone,

As for your dearest family

They'll be here later on.

I need you here so badly

As part of My big plan,

There's so much that we have to do

To help our mortal man.

Then God gave me a list of things

He wished for me to do,

And foremost on that list of mine

Is to watch and care for you.

And I will be beside you

Every day and week and year,

And when you're sad I'm standing there

To wipe away the tear.

And when you lie in bed at night

The days chores put to flight,

God and I are closest to you

In the middle of the night.

When you think of my life on Earth

And all those loving years,

Because you're only human

They are bound to bring you tears.

But do not be afraid to cry

It does relieve the pain,

Remember there would be no flowers

Unless there was some rain.

I wish that I could tell you

Of all that God has planned,

But if I were to tell you

You wouldn't understand.

But one thing is for certain

Though my life on Earth is o're,

I am closer to you now

Than I ever was before.

And to my very many friends

Trust God knows what is best,

I'm still not far away from you

I'm just beyond the crest.

There are rocky roads ahead of you

And many hills to climb,

But together we can do it

Taking one day at a time.

It was always my philosophy

And I'd like it for you, too,

That as you give unto the world

So the world will give to you.

If you can help somebody

Who is in sorrow or in pain,

Then you can say to God at night

My day was not in vain.

And now I am contented

That my life it was worthwhile,

Knowing as I passed along the way

I made somebody smile.

So if you meet somebody

Who is down and feeling low,

Just lend a hand to pick him up

As on your way you go.

When you are walking down the street

And you've got me on your mind,

I'm walking in your footsteps

Only half a step behind.

And when you feel the gentle breeze

Or the wind upon your face,

That's me giving you a great big hug

Or just a soft embrace.

And when it's time for you to go

From that body to be free,

Remember you're not going

You are coming here to me.

And I will always love you

From that land way up above,

Will be in touch again soon

P.S. God sends his love.

 

Comment by Joan Hardin on March 25, 2011 at 10:16pm

I recieved a card in the mail from a woman named Kelly. She is a wife and a mother to a young child. She was blessed enough to recieve one of Jessica's kidneys. She wrote to thank us for thinking of others during the most painful time in our life. She also told us how sick she was up until the transplant and how much better she felt even one month after the transplant. My family and I know she will never forget the gift my daughter gave her and will make the most of all the time left that our gift has given her.It was a reminder that She went out of this world a hero.

Comment by Terri Kuta on March 18, 2011 at 6:59pm

Joan:  I named my daughter after both of my sisters who died when they were 13 and 16 in a auto accident like my son did this past november my mother had alreday pasted when i had my daughter but I knew the name since I was alittle girl both of my parents was glad of the names and my father thanked me when she was born it didn't take her place but it let her memory stay alive by my daughter name brenda marie my sisters names was brenda kay and wilma marie, just my insite to your comment, hope it helps a little

Comment by Joan Hardin on March 18, 2011 at 4:17pm

My daughter is pregnant and wants to name her daughter after her sister, Jessica. There is a part of me that is touched by this and understand that she wants to honor her sisters memory by naming her daughter after her. I'm afraid that having my granddaughter named after the daughter I lost may be more painful than comforting to me. Does anyone have any insight on this?

Comment by Kelly on March 14, 2011 at 9:36pm

Greetings...Joan I know how you are feeling my 16yo daughter Taylor was walking on a country road with her friend and was hit from behind. The accident happened on Oct 30th 2010 and passed away Nov 1st 2010...due to severe head trauma...she was best friend and a most talented photographer at such a young age too. I miss my baby every second of every day...I still haven't returned to work as it is too hard to do anything...the pain has not subsided and some days I am so freaking angry at the driver...he also wasn't charged by the police as he claimed he couldn't see which is total BS as we have driven on this road numerous times...and the 2 girls were walking toward a street light so they were well lit up...I miss her...I miss everything about her...we were extremely close...I know my sadness will NEVER subside...I miss her...

Comment by Karen R. on March 14, 2011 at 9:29pm

Greetings Joan, once again , sorry to hear about your loss that we all on this site can understand........unfortunately. Always willing to listen. I lost my son 16 months ago and I still feel like it  just happened today. My sadness has NOT lessoned one bit, I feel like it never will.

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