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Comment by Karen R. on May 5, 2011 at 5:34pm

Thanks Norma for your concern and kind words. I can not think of one single thing that could happen to any human.......losing your child, who would sign up for this! !!!! I want my son back too!!! I really want it to be that none of this ever happened!!!!

Comment by Karen R. on May 5, 2011 at 5:27pm

Oh my dear Kim J., how sorry I am about your tremendous loss. I agree with you that they were all "boys", they hadn't even begun to live their lives yet. I know your pain all too well, as well as many others on this site........unfortunately. I am suffering from the loss of my baby, my 21yr old son. He was riding a friend's motorcycle on a residential street when he was chased and rammed into another car and he was wearing a helmet. He was in ICU for a week before he passed away. My pain and my sadness is ever present.There were many days that I wanted to end my own life because my pain and torment were too much to bare but I decided NOT to cause my other children any additional pain. I have not been able to except what has happened to my son. These boys think that they are invincible, nothing could ever happen to them. I begged my son not to ever get on that other boys bike. we had a huge arguement about it and about 5 days after that, he ended up in the Intensive Care Unit fighting for his life. This whole thing is one big nightmare that I cant seem to wake up out of. This site helps me in the sense that there are others that understand and my thoughts and feelings are validated. Once again, so sorry.

Comment by Marti Shaffer on May 5, 2011 at 8:12am

This will be my first Mother Day without my Matthew and it is gonna SUCK SUCK SUCK...........

Comment by Marti Shaffer on May 5, 2011 at 8:10am

kim johnson, iknow how u feel about just one more hug etc.... my son was 6 ft 2 and strong as an ox. He would pick me up 5ft 2in and give me the biggest bear hugs. He was a donor and i know that someone received his eyes and i would give anything to see that person and look into my sons eyes again.....

Comment by Kim Johnson on May 5, 2011 at 12:36am

I lost my oldest child and only son in a horrific car accident which closed our local Hwy and was all over the news for several days. The accident has had a huge impact on the lives of many people as there were 5 boys in the car. Three of the boys died on impact including my son. The three boys who died had a bond unlike any other. They truly loved each other like brothers. The boys had all been drinking and got into  the car with another boy who was very drunk. (3 or 4 times the legal limit) They had been at a party and made the decision to go to one of the boys homes to spend the night. I guess they thought because it was only a couple miles they could make it. The driver of the car survived the crash and as drunk as he was, he was the only one wearing a seat-belt. We all told our boys over and over not to drink and drive, not to get into a car with someone who was drunk. Always, wear your seat belt. They thought they were invincible. The 5th boys who survived was the younger brother of one of my son's friends who died. He swears that the three boys saved him and are his guardian angels. He told me  they were always looking out for him. This has been the most heartbreaking time of my life and I truly do not look forward to a future without my baby in it. These kids are "boys" to me, but in the eyes of the law they were young men. My son was only twenty years old. He had his whole life ahead of him and now they are gone in the blink of an eye. I am left with a broken heart and two daughters who are devastated at the loss of their brother. I would give anything in the world for one more hug, one more "I love you", one more "I'm sorry".

Comment by Marti Shaffer on May 4, 2011 at 7:09pm

thank u Karen R. It is so nice to hear someone else say they KNOW my pain and mean it!!! I dont think we ever get used to the loss , i think we just get used to living with that part of our heart gone. The embedded pain, i doubt will evr go away just become a part of who i am. I am thankful that ushared ur feeling with me.

Comment by Laura Villarreal on May 4, 2011 at 5:02pm

Sandra, my heart goes out to you! I lost my only child, my daughter, on May 25, 2009. She died from injuries received in an ATV accident...it was so quick and she was living far away from me.  She was only 33 years old. Like you I did not want to go on and did not know how to go on.  Every morning I would wake up and be disappointed that I did not die in my sleep.  I was really pissed off at God for a long time.  My emotions ranged from anger, to hate, to self pity, to confusion to raging anger. I had to accept there would NEVER be an answer to my questions as to why she had to die so young. My Christian upbringing promises us eternal life so I know I will see her again someday.  Suicide was never an option for me because taking one's own life goes against God's word and there would be no eternal life, which means not seeing my daughter again.  I will not take that chance.  There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of her, talk to her or feel her presence. People want to be kind but unless they have lost a child can seem very insensitive with their words such as "time heals all wounds" or "you will get over this". Or the worst one is "she's in a better place!"  I actually cut off all contact with family and friends for 2-3 months because they just didn't get it. Questions like "how are you?" Me replying "I am fine."  Then they would ask "are you really okay?" Me replying "NO, I AM NOT OKAY, MY ONLY CHILD IS DEAD!" How many times does someone need to ask the same question in the same conversation?? One time I actually answered with "no, I am not okay" and was then asked "well what"s wrong?" DUH...they just don't get it! Sorry for the long winded reply but I just want you to know that what you feel is absolutely normal for you right now.  There are no "rules for grieving" as we all grieve differently.  Do what feels right for you and most importantly take care of yourself. I always felt like I was living life one breath at a time...Losing her still hurts but it is not the vicious, ripping pain I had 2 years ago.  You are in the right forum as we have all experienced the loss of a child/children. If you would like to email me you may do so at 1043villa@sbcglobal.net

Take care, Sandra

Comment by Sandra LaBonte on May 4, 2011 at 4:27pm

I don't even know how to use this forum, so if this is in the wrong place I'm sorry. I just need someone to tell me how it is possible to go on without my only child, because right now I don't think I can. Please help

Comment by Karen R. on May 1, 2011 at 1:08pm

Greetings Lucy, so sorry for your tremendous lost!!!!!  I lost my 21 yr old son. I am sorry that I don't have any comforting words to offer because my soul has no comfort but I can say that this site is good for you to express your pain and your thoughts so they can be validated by people that truly understand and are always willing to listen. We are all members of this sad club that NO ONE would ever volunteer to join.

Comment by Karen R. on May 1, 2011 at 12:46pm

Hey Marti, I just wanted to let you know that I know how you are feeling when people ask how are you doing. I had this lady ask me one day if I was "over" losing my son yet!!!! I was so hurt and so so angry....I told her to close her eyes and imagined that her 5 yr old that she has, just suddenly, tragically died and to imagine that she would NEVER be able to see him or hold him again and you know what she said....she said that she could NOT imagine it. I told her exactly and not to ever ask me that again! There have been many, many times when people have asked me how am I doing and I held nothing back....I have told them that I am BROKEN, I am lost and I am so f!@ked right now! I have told them many times that unless they could get me son back, there is NOTHING that they could do for me. I felt like if you really don't want to know how I truly feel, then don't ask me. There are no rules for grieving. I never use to worry about making anyone feel uncomfortable about my response to that dreadful question, now depending on my mood and the person that asks me....i'll say I could be better but thanks for asking. The thing that pisses me off about that is that some people who happen to know that I lost my son will say " oh really, what's the matter?"! Oh how that inferiorates me. I quickly remind them that" hello, my son passed away!!... and then they feel small and apologize. I truly don't mean to make others feel uneasy. I truly understand that people don't really want to hurt you and they don't know what to say but sometimes saying nothing at all or a simple hug is fine. True friends and family should never take it personal.

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