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Comment by Melissa Szuch on July 14, 2011 at 12:54pm

Exactly Lisa that is it in  a nut shell! Thank you so much

Comment by Lisa Adams on July 14, 2011 at 12:47pm

Melissa, I relate so well to your comment about your significant other. Mine keeps telling me to "stop dwelling on it", and that I "get on his nerves with all my moping". Excuse me? Hew was so great to me when it first happened, but now it's as if he thinks I should be over it and ready to just move on with life. It's only been 7 weeks. the shock of it all is just now beginning to wear off and the reality is hitting me.  It's like the counselor and so many others have told me, I'm just beginning to feel the real pain.  But I know men grieve differently than women, especially in this situation so I try to overlook his hurtful comments. But it's like you said Melissa, why do you have to pile more pain and worry on my plate when I can't deal with what I have now.

Comment by Kar on July 14, 2011 at 12:31pm

Frances - ((( HUGE MASSIVE tight HUGS )))

Comment by Melissa Szuch on July 14, 2011 at 9:05am

Bobby you say whatever is on your mind or nothing at all.  We are all here for you!

Comment by Melissa Szuch on July 14, 2011 at 9:04am

Wow Frances my heart goes out to you. No matter the circustance the pain we all feel resembles each other.  It nice to have everyone here to share with. I was told yesterday by my significant other that my behavior is effecting our relationship.  I said really lets just add some more to the plate. idk its 1 month today.  I am sorry I cannot put on my happy face and act as if everything is normal, this is not normal and I honestly cannot control the pain that I feel.  Believe me if I knew how I would.  No one should ever experience this pain. My youngest daughter told me yesterday this will never be something we get over mom, its something we will learn to deal with... So now I will have to hide my sadness and smile on cue when every inch of my being is being torn out. Love to all, you are all in my thoughts and prayers!

Comment by Frances Cope on July 13, 2011 at 7:43pm

It ain' t gonna get no better.  Our 39 year old son took his life in our home on 10/15/10.  Jason has been gone nine months Friday 7/15/11.  It ain't gonna get no better.  I can still hear the gun shot at 5:00 am, can still see his body with no head.  Lord help us.

 

Comment by Bobbi Durbin on July 13, 2011 at 5:06pm

I've started to make a comment several times, but I don't know what to say.  I'm lost.  I can relate to all that I've read and feel your pain as freshly as my own.  I don't know how I'm supposed to feel or what I'm supposed to do.  My son was my light.  Now it is dark and I've lost my way without him.  I do find comfort reading this comment wall and realizing that I'm not alone  Thank you for finding your words. 

Comment by Ammy on July 13, 2011 at 2:57pm

Melissa, thank God for your doctor.  Someone like that is so hard to come by.  I'm so glad you have some of her ashes separate.  I felt anxiety when I first read where you said you were going to spread her ashes next week.  My son was cremated and I can't even think of letting his ashes go anywhere right now.  Today is 52 weeks.  Tomorrow's date (the 14th) is one year, but today, Wednesday is the day the police came to the door and told us he was gone.  I've been having a harder day than usual, and I guess that's to be expected.  Some times I feel so tired of being heart broken.  I just want it to go away, but I know it's going to take a long time to just get easier and will never go away.  I don't know what everyone's beliefs are in the group, but I have a strong faith that I rely on even though I can't understand why this had to happen, and I felt so betrayed in the beginning of this new way of life.  I couldn't believe God would allow something like this to happen to me.  I have come to accept that I'm no better than anyone else as for the ways of life.  I pray every day for us all that have lost a child.  And as for the letting go... that is the most ridiculous thing anyone could say, but I understand that they just don't have a clue, and I would never want them to have to know what it is like.  My thoughts are with you all.

Comment by Melissa Szuch on July 13, 2011 at 8:24am

I

live in a family of stuffers, my mother in law lost her husband and father within three days of each other and I never saw her shed a tear. I have seen her cry a lot since Sarahs passing. I am referred to as the emotional one since my hysterectomy.  I am compared to them. I went to the doctor yesterday and began crying in his office, my sister was with me and he told her you will never understand the trauma that she (me) is suffering. She is not only dealing with the loss of her daughter, she found her and that is the part that I am most worried about. He asked her to leave and came put his arms around me and said you cry, let it all out, any time any place.. If you dont it will consume you.  I Love my doctor. He also suggested that I take a mild anti depressant, as I have high blood pressure and it was threw the roof.

Thanks Karen, I know there is no one that will ever love Sarah the way that I do, that we all love our children. I know that with time I will learn to cope better its all so new and fresh. This will forever be my cross to bear.

Fred when Sarah was cremated I purchased a cross that has her ashes in it. It rides on my windshield. I felt that was appropriate as Sarah was a long haul truck driver and had logged over a million miles by  the age of 22. I wear her necklace everyday in each room of the house there is some part of her with me always and i wont let go. I cant its impossible.  THANK YOU ALL FOR WRITTING ME I DONT KNOW WHERE I WOULD BE WITHOUT THIS GROUP

Comment by Karen R. on July 13, 2011 at 2:29am

Amen Fred! Tell them to talk to you after, God forbid, its their child!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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